Our Daily Bread

"These little things are sent to try us", said the man about the pygmy judge.

 

"I see" said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

 

Why is there a "Volume" bar on some TV's? Are they for the deaf?

 

A man was having intercourse with his wife. As he was pounding away, he looked down and noticed that her toes kept curling. He said, wow I must really be turning you on, huh babe? She said, no - you just didn't give me enough time to remove my pantyhose.

 

What's the difference between a girls track team and a bunch of pygmies?

Ones a group of cunning little runts.

 

Did you know Helen Keller had a pony?

Neither did she!

 

What would happen if someone fixed the crack of dawn?

 

"Relative Humidity" compared to what?

 

Why is it called a speed bump when it makes you slow down?

Have you ever seen a transmission hump?

 

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again. If after the fourth try you still don't succeed, then you are a looser. Quit.

 

or,

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

 

I've seen a house fly........

 

I saw a peanut stand,
Heard a rubber band,
I saw a needle that winked its eye.
But I think I will have seen everything
When I see an elephant fly.

I saw a front porch swing,
Heard a diamond ring,
I saw a polka-dot railroad tie.
But I think I will have seen everything
When I see an elephant fly.

I seen a clothes horse he r'ar up and buck
And they tell me that a man made a vegetable truck
I didn't see that I only heard
But just to be sociable I'll take your word

I heard a fireside chat
I saw a baseball bat
And I just laughed till I thought I'd die
But I'd been done seen about everything
When I see an elephant fly.

Ned Washington


If everyone would light just one little candle, the sales of fire extinguishers would skyrocket.

BB

 

man who fart in church sits in own pew

 

A word to the wise is usually from one who isn't...

 

Learn from my mistakes......yeah....like I want to follow in your sorry assed footsteps?

 

Those who demand the most too often give the least.

 

Road snakes in the rain at a buck 25 causes instant exersizing of the rectal muscles.:jaw:

 

I never get lost. I often explore alternative destinations.