Humor Thread

I wonder if she tried to repeat that maneuver.

 

The Golfing Nun
A nun walked into Mother Superior's office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh, heavy with frustration."What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family. "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. "

You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ. "I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So your day of recreation was not relaxing? "Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!" "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother.

A 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life.

The sweetest swing I ever made....it was flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hit a bird in mid-flight, not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel ran out of the woods, grabbed my ball and ran off down the fairway!" "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother Superior. "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "I was so proud of myself!"

While I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swooped down, grabbed the squirrel and flew off, with my ball still clutched in the squirrel's paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "....as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right on the green.

The ball popped out of the squirrel's paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup! "Mother Superior sat abruptly back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said..."You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?"

 

I see running is pointless, walking is easily faster than him


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

on the flip side, pun intended:

 

Fishing for pussie has always been hit and miss.

 

I don't often listen to Black Sabbath. But on the occasions I do, so do the neighbours.

 

My neighbours get a metal education almost daily, from just about any band, this week they are learning Avenged Sevenfold


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

I wondered why I haven't seen the root bear for awhile

 

I would not have been near that bowling robot!

 

Can you imagine? Getting whacked in the head with the bowling ball as it was winding up? Man oh man, you would see stars that have not even been formed yet.

 

The real sorry thing is, he would probably do the same thing with a real firearm.