Humor Thread

Today, I pulled out a piece of clothing that I wore in my late teens and it still fits. I am so happy I hung onto it. Its a scarf but lets keep it positive here.

 

Biker Bob and Bubba, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Biker Bob turns to Bubba and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes."
Bubba thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Biker Bob goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Biker Bob says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Biker Bob shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bubba at the bar. He tells Bubba about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bubba says, "What's that?"

Biker Bob says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're gay.

 

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was extremely pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 - 200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window toward the driveway, and saw a gift wrapped box in the driveway. She opened it to find....

A brand new bathroom scale!

Bob has been missing since Friday.

 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

 

I was out with my wife for dinner at the neighbours yesterday. There were quite a few there. The discussion came to being about how well we know our partners. I was asked what my wife's favorite flower was. She just got up and stormed out. I guess it was not Red Rose.

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Perfect for a bike!

 

Can't view that video here. Must be offensive to our Pansie Prime Minister Trudeau. He must be presently under the care of his new formed Ministry of Thumb Suckers.

 

What do you call a mushroom work an eight inch stem?

 

A fungi!

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

You can try this Randy: https://we.tl/t-8qeeDUgMlu .mp4 file