Humor Thread

Toddler: No Mom, I have to lay an egg.
Hilarious pic.

 

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00 HAMBURGER: $10.00 CHEESEBURGER: $15.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $18.50 HAND JOB: $250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. ?Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. "May I help you sir?" The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?" She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs, "Yes sir, I sure am." The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, "Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger."

 

Hey AM, looks like y'all need more teachers...

 

I now have even less interest on visiting Kansas

 

Actually that sign would be in Kansas City, Missouri. In Kansas they don't tell you ahead of time.

 

Hahahaha

 

Now that's funny!

 

There were 2 old men sitting on the pier fishing.

One old man said, "It's nice out here , isn't it",

The other old man said, "Yes it is but you better put it away because there's a cop commimg".

 

It is really too bad dogs do not talk. I could be very happy if they did as I would not have to live around and listen to people.

 

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Me:
I would rather not. I kinda need this job.

 

Been saying it’s so nice I think I’ll leave it out for a good 30 years now


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