Humor Thread

I love my motorcycle – it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.

It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.

 

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 2:00 am and is asked where he was going at this time of night.

The man replies " I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the affects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then says "Really. And who would be giving this type of lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

LMAO Randy---


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Sex After Surgery

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied ... "Mr. Maynard was admitted in
Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight

 

sounds about right. How the sexes see color...

 

A woman got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get the fuck out. As he walked to the door, she yelled at him "And I hope you die a slow, long, and painful death."

So he turned around and said "So now you want me fucking stay?"

 

Arguing with a woman is like reading the software licencing agreement. In the end you have to ignore everything and just click the "I agree" button.

 

. . .that's only IF you want to actually play with the software.

 

That could provide more fodder for comments than a willow tree will supply branches.

 

I have this rule that I have followed most of my life. It has served me well. In everything I do, I give 100%. Except when giving blood.

 

thought this was funny.

 

My grade one teacher once asked me how old my father was. I told her he was 6. Teacher said that was not possible. I said, "He wasn't a father until I was born."

 

This same teacher wasn't to bright. She sent me to the board where there was a world map and asked me to point out North America which I did. Then she asked me who discovered North America. "I just did." She told me I was wrong. Lord.

 

Real life joke here. Those are allowed, right?

I was walking thru a shopping mall having ridden there on my bike so I was in full M/c gear, jacket, dragging jeans and carrying my lid.

I walked past a couple in the same direction walking faster than then, the man pushing a shopping trolley said to his wife/partner;

See, these bikers even walk fast!

I couldn't resist a reply;

It's ok. I'm used to going around shopping trolleys!

 

I sure hope that trolley was keeping right. I guess it would be left down under.