Humor Thread

Discussion in 'Anything Goes' started by 34468 Randy, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. A.M

    A.M Moderator Staff Member

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    Bwhahahahaha, John!!!!

    Riding...bananas every day...
     
  2. duccmann

    duccmann Member

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    IMG_0086.JPG
    Rather have best of both worlds


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  3. Lint

    Lint Member

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  4. Hellapet

    Hellapet New Member

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    probably seen this before but...
    IMG_3084.jpg
     
  5. Jeff_Barrett

    Jeff_Barrett Member

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    A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying.

    The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks. The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up." The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. "I guess this isn't your lucky day, pal!"
     
  6. Lint

    Lint Member

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  7. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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    I can't bring myself to "thank" that one. It is such a groaner I just want to coil up and cry.
     
  8. A.M

    A.M Moderator Staff Member

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    Haha...I loved it!
    Winter Solstice baby!!
    Days will be getting longer!! <3 <3
     
  9. Lint

    Lint Member

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    It puts bounce in your step.
     
  10. A.M

    A.M Moderator Staff Member

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    Teeheehee!!! Yessss!!!
     
  11. mofo

    mofo New Member

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    I hate Christmas.
    I work hard all year long to provide my wife with pretty much anything she wants.I.E. jewelry, name brand bags,designer shoes and all that crap; I provide my kids with pretty much all the electronic gadgets they already have and want the latest. Iphones, tablets, gear and such, and the fat one with the white beard gets ALL the credit.
    It's my fault though, I married her.
     
  12. duccmann

    duccmann Member

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    You ain't fat bud--- have a drink


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  13. zombie

    zombie New Member

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    I have a brother-in-law that lost his fingers in an industrial accident. His glove looks like that. lol I'll have to send him this pic. Nice one AM.
     
  14. GigemVFR

    GigemVFR New Member

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    As I Grow Older

    A crappy day? I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life and came to realize that as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.



    Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore: a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.



    Lance Armstrong? I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. Hell, when I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.



    Drive By? Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now they drive by and change the channels. The Sick bastards!!!



    The Agony of Aging? On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".



    Video Scam? Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's all about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed.



    Pregnant Prostitute? Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "Hey dumb ass", she replied, "if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart!"?
     
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2016
  15. duccmann

    duccmann Member

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    Gigem, thank you for the laughs--- that was great


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  16. Lint

    Lint Member

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  17. A.M

    A.M Moderator Staff Member

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  18. Lint

    Lint Member

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    The Night Before Christmas

    'Twas the night before Christmas, And not until Spring,
    Would an engine be running, not even a Wing.

    The bikes are all sleeping, They’re covered and warm
    Batteries are tended, nylon covers their form.

    My Bros were all nestled snug in their beds,
    While visions of new chrome danced in their heads.

    And I in my doo-rag, bike jacket and boots,
    Out shoveling snow, and dreaming of scoots.

    Then from the horizon there came such a clatter,
    My shovel I dropped, what could be the matter?

    Away up the hill, I slogged through the snow,
    Looked up at the sky; where’d all that noise go?

    A throb from the heavens like straight pipes so hearty,
    Gave Summers’ good thoughts, a loud bikers’ party.

    When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
    But a Hog Ultra Classic, Red trailer in rear.

    With a little old rider, so lively and quick,
    I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

    More rapid than Crotchies his Ultra came on,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and sang out this song;

    "Now, Harley! Now, Big Dog! On Honda and Beamer!
    Now Vulcan! Now Injun! On Vict’ry and Trumpet!

    To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
    Now RIDE away! RIDE away! RIDE away all!"

    As small bikes that from the semis do fly,
    When they meet with the air blast, mount to the sky.

    So up to the house-top that Ultra it flew,
    With a trailer of goodies, and ole’ St. Nick too.

    And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
    The rumble and thunder of pipes that gave proof.

    I ran to the house, boots thumping around,
    And in came St. Nick all bearded and round.

    Dressed all in black leather, from do-rag to boot,
    His chaps were all tarnished with road grime and soot.

    A T-bag of goodies he’d flung on his back,
    And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

    His shades -- how they twinkled! his do-rag how scary!
    With chains intertwined, through skulls that were cherry!

    His droll little mouth had done many a row,
    So the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

    The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
    The smoke had a strange smell; it gave him relief!

    He had a broad face and a large fat beer belly,
    That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

    He was tattooed and plump, a right jolly old rider,
    So I offered a cold Bud, thought what could be righter?

    A wink of his eye as he downed that cold beer,
    Gave me to know I had nothing to fear.

    He spoke not a word, but went straight to my ride,
    And fixed it with Chrome, Horsepower and Pride!

    And giving the peace sign with bikers’ good cheer,
    Took off for his Ultra rumbling near.

    He sprang on the saddle, his gloves on the bars,
    A wheeley he threw then off towards the stars!

    I heard him exclaim, as my chest swelled with pride...
    Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good ride!
     
  19. GreyVF750F

    GreyVF750F Member

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    (You just can't make this stuff up folks!!) :doh:

    Stolen weapon found during search at Tennessee jail
    BY Philip Caufield
    NEW YORK DAILY NEWS


    A 19-year-old Tennessee woman had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina when she was brought into jail yesterday afternoon following a collar for driving with a suspended license, police report. As Dallas Archer was being booked into the Kingsport jail, a female corrections officer alerted to an "unknown object" in the teenager’s crotch during a search.
    The jailer and a female cop then accompanied Archer to a bathroom for further examination, a review that led to the recovery of a "North American Arms 22 LR revolver (loaded) which Ms. Dallas had concealed in her vagina," according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
    A subsequent check revealed that the five-shot mini-revolver--which is four inches in length--had been "stolen from an auto burglary in 2013." The handgun, which police valued at $250, is owned by John Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman.
    In a TSG interview, Souther said that the gun was taken from his 1994 Mustang, which was "ransacked" last year while parked in his Kingsport carport. Souther said that police told him that the revolver had been recovered, but offered no further details. When told where the gun had been stashed, Souther said, "Oh, gosh." He noted that he would eventually like "the little fellow" returned, but added that the weapon would require "a bath in bleach."
    News of the weapon in Archer’s vagina was first reported by the Kingsport Times-News.
    Archer, seen in the above mug shot, was charged with gun possession and introducing contraband into a penal facility. According to a jail official, Archer was released from custody after posting $6,000 bond.

    AND NOW, THE READER RESPONSES:
    1. I thought she stole her gun. Turns out it was snatched!
    2. Gives new meaning to a gun having a "hair trigger."
    3. Happiness is a warm gun?
    4. At four inches in length it comes off as half cocked...
    5. "For sale AA22LR never used; still in the box."
    6. Report reads, "...Introducing contraband into a penal facility." Shouldn't that be 'penile' facility?
    7. If it went off, could you call it her 'boom box'?
    8. Remember: Every vagina is to be treated as if it is loaded. Always keep it pointed in a safe direction.
    9. They say it was a gun, but something smells fishy.
    10. You can have my gun when you can pry it from my cold, stinking...
    11. Oh my... accident waiting to happen. Could 'shoot the beaver.'
    12. I have heard of shooting your mouth off, but this takes on a "hole" new meaning...
    13. Complete reversal on the classic, "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
    14. I wonder if she had 'gun-areah'?
    15. Gives a whole new meaning to "Vaginal Discharge"...
    16. Do you suppose she had a 'rectal reloader'?
    17. A gun in hand is worth 2 in the bush?
    18. Figures... it uses 'rim shot' ammo.
    19. This supports the "Big Bang Theory"
     
  20. duccmann

    duccmann Member

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    Twat was she thinking?


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