Humor Thread

For those of us over 40.

 

Has to atleast be a female doctor....to afraid a guy will kiss me on the back of my neck.
ooooooh

 

A dwarf with a lisp goes to a stud farm to buy a horse, "I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.




"What sort of horse ?" asks the owner.




"A female horth", the dwarf replies and so the owner takes him to his finest mare.




"Nithe horth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyth?". The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's eyes.




"Nithe eyth" says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?". Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth.




"Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says. By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's ears.




"Nithe eerth", says the dwarf, "Can I see her twot?" With this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head into the horse's vagina and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling

him out and putting him down.




The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can I see her wun awound?"

 

Funny I was reading this and could of sworn you were talking about sow

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI4yoXyb1_M

Not as funny as the food one posted much earlier...but still pretty fun...

 

I love it!

 

BWeiss, that was hysterical. ..my family LTAO

 

The Brothel
The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you, sir?' she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.
Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was so very expensive. There were no discounts and the price was still $10,000. The gentleman did not blink an eye. Again, he pulled out a wad of cash, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs... After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, maybe a record in the history of brothels in Nevada, which dates back into the early 1800's. But without hesitation he paid Valerie the ten grand and off they went upstairs.
After their session, Valerie said to the man 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'
The man replied, 'Billings, Montana.'
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Billings.'
I know.' the man said. 'I regret to tell you, but your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance.'

 

Thats one smart attorney, go figure

 

Ya. Fucking someone and getting paid for the task. Hookers do that too come to think of it. So I am lead to believe.

 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/1_kwxzU4wL4

 

Wow, I could listen to the sound track all day, need to make it my ring tone

 

I saw that a long time ago...but still as awesome today as it was when I heard all that when I was around 18!

 

I love the old car sounds almost as much as the modern screamers.

 

I think the older ones sounded better!

 

For years I lived about 25 miles from Watkins Glen and used to go to all the GP Races. Was on the Start Finish line for the last GP Race before the track closed (for awhile). Take that sound track and multiply it by 25 for the standing start, never forget that sound, absolutely awesome.

 

Dated a screamer once. Embarrassing.