Humor Thread

Saw that one yesterday Pliskin, wow!

 

Anybody know what a Post Tortise is?

 

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.

The old farmer said, " Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Tortoises'.''

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post tortoise' was.

The old farmer said,

" When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with

a tortoise balanced on top, that's a post tortoise."

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

"You know he didn't get up there by himself,

he doesn't belong up there,

he doesn't know what to do while he's up there,

he's elevated beyond his ability to function,

and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."

 

No you didn't

 

Guess I should have googled it first before asking:redface:

 

LOL! Ha Ha

http://www.lmgtfy.com/?q=What+is+a+post+tortoise?

 

Went for a routine physical exam. After the doctor performed the prostrate exam, he said he would be back in a few minutes leaving the door ajar and the lights dimmed.
Almost immediately, the nurse came in with a clipboard and asked me a question no man wants to hear:
"Who was that?

 

NOW THATS FUNNY..Herman

 

Two men were driving through Chilliwack when they got pulled over by an RCMP officer.

The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down the window, and *WHACK* the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.
"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked. "You're in Chilliwack son" the cop answered. "When we pull you over in Chilliwack, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car".

"I'm sorry officer" the driver said "I'm not from around here".

The cop runs a check on the guy's license - he's clean, and gives the guy his license back.

The cop then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window, and *WHACK* the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What'd you do that for?" the passenger demands. "Just making your wish come true" replied the cop. "Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked. "Because I know your type" the cop says "two miles down the road, you're gonna turn to your buddy and say 'I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!'"

 

Bet thats what Randy used to do right?

 

I heard he was a prick..............

 

We didn't carry night sticks. We used ASP batons. Use those buggers correct and you don't need the window to be rolled down.

 

Nice.....buddies?

 

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he’s still fooking celebrating!!"

 

My old boss us to say that "giving 100% is total BS. In racing, giving 100% is when the bike crosses the finish line it falls apart and the rider dies."

 

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course" comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Scotland" replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Scotland too! Let's have another round to Scotland". "Of Course" replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Scotland are you from?" "Aberdeen" comes the reply. "I can't believe it" says the first man. "I'm from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to Aberdeen". "Of course!" replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Andrews" replies the second man. "I graduated in '02". "This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '02, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much" replies the bartender. "The MacClyde twins are drunk again".

 

Thanks for the laugh D