Humor Thread

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Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

 

An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.

The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?"

The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?"

The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad."

The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

The boy said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.

The boy said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."

The boy thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."

 

H'mm wonder if it provides the wearer a safe space from hetro-normative micro aggressions, perhaps companies should offer them to millennials as they face life after graduating from progressive Universitys ?

 

How was the traffic ?

 

Most guys think that a woman's greatest wish is to find the perfect man.

Oh for fuck sake guys. Puleeze!

Their greatest desire is to eat what they want, where and when they want, and as much as they want, without getting fat.

 

Need the Rockers. lol

 

I have begun a new and healthy lifestyle. I prepare and drink protein shakes often. They taste remarkably like margaritas.

 

I got a real chuckle out of imagining this scene. Thanks Lint. Humour is the best medicine.

 

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Me at the second to last R3
Pretty sure that’s me on the floor


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It is, after you fell through your tent.