That blue flashing light in the mirror …

A few police-related "incidents" from when I was riding courier in London. Remember, this was in the days before every squid had cameras mounted all over himself and his bike, and when speeding was only beginning to be considered the terrorism it surely is. All of these are positive encounters with the police, despite them all including (at least) a gentle rap on the knuckles for riding like a bell-end.

So, a first one.

I'm in a train of other couriers splitting lanes down the A4 heading out of London, around the Earl's Court area. This is still urban, 3 lane road, traffic light everywhere, and we're all riding gently because the head of the line is a police bike. Light ahead starts turning orange, officer plod goes through, first rider goes through … last rider goes through. At which point the police bike pulls us *all* over together, points out that, as he had gone through on orange, which is a points-generating infraction, most of the 20 of us had gone through on red. "Don't take the piss, lads. Ride safe".

And another

Coming through the Hyde Park Corner underpass, speed limit 30. Splitting lanes at 45, but officer plod is at the exit pointing a hairdryer at me. Waves me over. "Do you know what speed you were doing, sir?" "Yes, officer, I was at about 45" "Do you know what the speed limit is here, sir?" "Yes, 30" "Let me check the reading … oh, must be your lucky day. I appear to have accidentally erased the reading. Do slow down, though" "Thank you, officer".

This one got me points. So far the only ones I've ever had.

A40, around Greenford, speed limit 40. Splitting lanes in relatively heavy, but fluid, traffic. At somewhere around 80 mph. It's a tight fit in many places, but a GPZ500 (ER500 for the other side of the pond) is thin, and excels at this sort of abuse. At a couple of points I needed to slam the front brake to get the bars under the cagers' mirrors. Really fucking stupid riding. So, around the Target Roundabout, traffic grinds to a halt, and there's no space to get through. At which point the police bike behind me turns on his siren. that blue flashing light in the mirror. Oh shit. We pull over, the by now obligatory "do you know how fast you were riding, sir?" etc etc. "Do you know where I picked you up?" "No" "Hangar Lane roundabout" (about 5 miles before) "Oh" "Didn't you see my flashing light?" "Umm - no, I was too busy concentrating on what was in front" Laughter, then some serious wrist-slappage, an explanation that he was ignoring the speeding, no dangerous driving charge because I hadn't touched any other vehicles, but I was getting a "due care and attention" for not having seen him and known he was following me at the point where he picked me up. 5 points, 200 quid fine, all very well deserved. should have lost my license (9 points for dangerous driving, 3 for speeding).

Next one, coming back in to London from a delivery, on the A40 coming in to the Hammersmith "gyratory system". Lights are red, filter up to the front. Light change, stall the bike. Bollocks! Clutch, starter, pull away only to be missed fractionally, literally less than an inch from my front wheel, by a mercedes who's just shot the lights. Hit the horn, and the twat gives me the finger through his open window. Red mist. Unfortunately, the gyratory system has a large number of traffic lights, and he's trapped by the next one. Pull up alongside, flip up the visor, tap gently on his (now very firmly closed) passenger side window and gesture for him to roll it down. He makes an obscene gesture in response. Drop visor, position bars next to his mirror, large 'cross boots positioned against his paintwork, pull in the clutch and raise the revs slightly in anticipation of the lights changing. Green, revs up, dump clutch, off comes his mirror, boots take the paint off his door and front wing. Front wheel comes down … that blue flashing light in the mirror. Again. Pull over, cop doesn't even get off his bike. Flips his visor, "You're lucky, I saw that go down, next time don't let the red mist rise, quite a few of the twats round here are armed" and rides off. I'm shaking, so have a quick smoke, then jump back on the bike. At Olympia, about a mile later, there's a scratched merc with a wing mirror hanging off it, and a police officer booking the driver. The police officer waves at me as I go past.

And another one which should have lost me my license.

Riding out to Windsor, come off the M25 onto the Runymede road, speed limit 60mph. No traffic, glorious sunshine, perfect tarmac, roll on the throttle. A bit later, notice - you guessed it - that blue flashing light in the mirror. Woopsie-doodle, that's my license proper fucked. Pull over. "Do you know how fast you were going, sir?" "Not exactly, officer. This is a grey import from Japan, the clock's marked in km/h, and stops at 180. It's been on the stop for a while, I'd guess somewhere around 200 km/h which would be something like 120" "I clocked you at 135 mph" "Oh, wow" "Look, be more careful. If it was my colleagues in a car, they'd be tearing your license up and you'd be in handcuffs. I'm letting you off because you were riding within the capacities of your machine, you didn't cross the white line at any point, and you slowed below the limit down for the one real hazard on this road. But you need to remember it's not a fucking racetrack" "ummmm" "What's the bike, it's very pretty?" "ummm - FZR 400" "Can I have a go?" "ummmm - sure?". and off he went, on my bike (and on the rev limiter), whilst I had a smoke and tried to stop shaking. He came back, faster than I'd been, "Fuck me, that's a fun machine" and we sat and chatted about bikes for a few minutes before his radio skwarked and off he went on his own bike.

All of these incidents could have ended up with me in court one way or another, they all had the effect of getting me out of the "invincibility zone". I'd like to thank those police officers, their combined efforts probably kept me alive.

 

Good story. Around here most of them use red AND blue lights.
Because you know, they are super fucking cool.

 

Wow you live a charmed life Simon!

I know most of those locations, and truly hated filtering through heavy rush hour traffic. Too often drivers were paying more attention to their mobile phone than what they were doing or events unfolding around them. More than once I ended up in mega braking mode as a sleepy driver in lane one spots the adjacent lane moving marginally faster and just swaps lane without checking if there were motorbikes approaching.

It is weird that once you learn to ride a motorbike you become much more aware of other vehicles even when driving in a car. Indeeed I have always thought that if people really want to cut road accidents then they should make car drivers ride a motorbike for 6 months before being allowed to take a car driving test.


I am not sure if you have calmed down since moving to La Belle France - but you might be interested in this.

http://www.mat-74.fr/index.php/trajectoires/79-trajectoires-2019

I did this event a few years back (the second year they ran the event). Basically the local Motorbike Gendarmes in the Haute Savoie give up their time free to participants. There are sessions in the class room, manouvering practice on a parade ground, and a long session on public roads where you will be led by Gendarmes who aim to improve your road positioning and awareness - and wow do they ride fast during this course.

Apart from the cost of a decent lunch (they like good food) the day is free - and so worthwhile. Places tend to get taken up very quickly every year - so if you are interested perhaps contact Claudie at MAT74 now to put your name down for next year.

If you have passable French then the whole day is easy to follow - if not find a local biker who speaks English who can help translate the technical stuff. The parade ground stuff was a serious challenge on a 6th Gen (other larger bikes were struggling too). But once you get the hang of keeping the bike flowing it became a lot easier second time around (even if some cones were harmed in this progress). Since then those tight quarters manouvering skills have been well used on some of the more Alpine twisty roads, or just finding a parking spot in Thonon-Les-Bains or most recently squeezing my 6th Gen into a tiny space on Douglas Promenade during the TT week which a guy on a 125 considered far too small.

Take care ATGATT



SkiMad

 

Oh, wow, I've never seen that one. Missed out on a training course for following / leading (pedal) bike races a few months back, but that doesn't interest me much anyway. Did an advanced driving course in the UK in - umm - '92, the MAT74 course sounds pretty similar, hold to the speed limits in towns, let it rip on the A's and B's. I'll sign myself up for the 2020 session, I think. Pour ce qui est langue, y a vraiment pas de soucis

You're bang on about drivers needing to ride bikes, it improves your awareness (and paranoia) enormously. I'd say that a class A pass and a certain *annual* distance motorcycling should be mandatory. Plus mandatory eye tests every year from 50, and a mandatory, free, driving retest every 5 years from then on.

Oddly enough, I drove through Thonon about 2 hours ago with a car full of chickens. I'll wave next time

 

just a quick note - from someone who knows all of those roads intimately (used to commute from South Ruislip to St Pauls every day on a Fireblade for 10yrs) your mirrors help you stay alive... but I'll put a couple of my adventures up for a laugh later...