Oil Change instructions for Women : 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change: $30.00 Coffee: $1.00 Total: $31.00 Oil Change instructions for Men : 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 19) Remember drain plug from step 11. 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 21) Drink beer. 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer. 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame. 25) Begin cussing fit. 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 28) Beer. 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 30) Beer. 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 32) Beer. 33) Lower car from jack stands. 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps. 35) Beer. 36) Test drive car. 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 38) Car gets impounded. 39) Call loving wife, make bail. 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1500.00 Beer: $20.00 Total: $4,145.00 But you know the job was done right!
Wait, if I don't have any bowling trophies, do I need to get some? Can I substitute other trophies? If I have to buy more, that will cost more. Do the bowling trophies cause the engine to run smoother? How about synthetic trophies and microbrews?
Aye, use to change my own car oil all the time, but once out of town took it in, and the price was not much more than the oil and i had a nap while they did it(hmmmm power nap)...have not changed my car oil in my garage since. You can't take your bike to those places can you? and if you could, would you?
one amendment...a guy would never write a check at the auto parts store. WE USE CASH!!! and sometimes a debit card.
To funny good thread, only thing Me. Go to store buy oil on sale at the case price $24 that's if I don't happen to have it on hand all ready, Frame filter on sale $3.99 LOL I write a check. Drive back unto the ramps in the back yard on gravel, let sit for 1/2 hour to cool down. Do a quick drop and roll, since I did the last oil change its a twist of the wrist the filter is off, did I mention I'm using latex gloves? all ready have em, so no cost here for this. once the oil filter is done dripping I un-thread the drain plug with a wrench then spin it off the rest of the way with thy fingers not dropping it. wait 20 or so minutes. Come back after a quick bite to eat or TV show drop and roll again, install plug and new filter. Pop back out drop in 5 quarts of the slippery stuff do a quick look it over. start it up again look it over.. all is good Total time, 1/2 hour not counting break. Now for a quick trip to the oil recycle center. I hate it when guys can't get it right, makes us that do, look bad. LOL still a good thread. yea I don't think they do bikes.
