I was getting ready for work. I had slept in my parent's guest room the night before. My wife was at our house with our eight and nine-year-old sons. We had separated after eight years of marriage. My life felt in shambles. I buttoned my shirt and put my tie around my neck. I turned on the television in the living room to listen to the news and turned to face the mirror so I could tie my tie. I turned back to face the television when I couldn't understand what I was seeing in the mirror's reflection or hearing from the television. I never tied that tie. I sat and I watched that television for hours. I don't remember if I woke my parents or if they woke on their own. I sat transfixed to that television. When the first tower collapsed it was like the air had been sucked from the room. It literally felt like my blood ran cold. I started crying at the realization of all the lives that were lost. The rest is a blur and vague in my memory. I know I must have seen the second tower collapse but as I sit here, I can't separate what I saw unfold from all the images that followed for hours, days, weeks and months afterwards. The one image that seared itself in my mind was footage of people running and screaming as a dark cloud of dust and debris rushed towards them from between buildings. It is what first comes to mind when I think of this day. And when I think of it, I get a hollow feeling in my chest. It makes me feel like crying. I don't but I did that morning. Tears of sadness, horror, frustration, anger, confusion. For days afterwards, I would start crying at the memory of what happened. I went to my house to be with my wife and the boys. Our problems seemed so insignificant now. I moved out of my parent's house and moved back home. Our marriage lasted another seven years. More than anything, for the boys. They are 16 and 18 now. What a different world they have grown up in. I will be here for them until I die and hope to bring them some certainty in uncertain times, some peace in a time of war, and love in a world with way too much anger and hate. My heart goes out to all the people who lost their lives on this day ten years ago and to their families and friends. My sincerest gratitude and respect goes out to all the men and women who risk their lives every day in places so far from home, who sacrifice so much to preserve our way of life, and to those who have already or who have yet to be deployed. May God bless you and keep you safe. Thank you. I will never forget.
