Humor Thread

Discussion in 'Anything Goes' started by 34468 Randy, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Thumbs

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  4. 34468 Randy

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  6. Thumbs

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  7. 34468 Randy

    34468 Randy Secret Insider

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    I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...
    And all just because of a stupid police officer...
    The conversation went like this when I got pulled over in my truck:
    Officer:
    "License, registration, and logs, please. I think you're drunk."
    Me:
    "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
    Officer:
    "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
    Me:
    "A car."
    Officer:
    "Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi, or a Ford?"
    Me:
    "I have no idea!"
    Officer:
    "So, you're drunk."
    Me:
    "But I didn't drink anything."
    Officer:
    "Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you. What is it?
    Me:
    "A motorcycle."
    Officer:
    "Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki, or a Harley?"
    Me:
    "I have no idea!"
    Officer:
    "As I suspected, you're drunk!"
    Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
    Me:
    "So....counter question. "You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
    Officer:
    "A prostitute, of course."
    Me:
    "Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife, or your mother?"
    Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend
     
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    Last edited: Jun 2, 2022
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    Last edited: Jun 12, 2022
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  18. 34468 Randy

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    I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That's why I lost my bus driving job.
     
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  19. 34468 Randy

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    A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”
    The father answers,
    “Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You've got male!'”
     
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  20. 34468 Randy

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    Last night I was out for dinner at a nice local restaurant. I decided to see the wone list and order up a nice white wine to go with dinner. The waiter asked me if I had any ID.

    I said "Do I really look that young?"

    he replied, "Not at all. I just wanted to see if you qualify for our seniors discount."

    I didn't leave a tip.
     
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