Humor Thread

Reminds me of this one.



And in case you thought it was just an Urban Legend.

 

There is an example o a politician who believes in the true principles of politics. And he stepped up to the plate. However. I really think, that if he is going to remain in the Ukraine and defend his country side by side with its citizens, he should be ordering his VP and cabinet or Deputy Prime Minister or what ever, to leave the country and set up an operating government in a safe country. Maybe Poland. My hat s off to that man.

 

Some good zingers lately!

 

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.
'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer ?

 

I said to the wife, “Get me a newspaper”
“Don't be silly,” she said “You can borrow my iPad”
That spider never knew what fucking hit it.

 

I was actually kidnapped once a long time ago…the kidnappers started by asking for 100 grand…after three days and nights ..the ransom was reduced to 2 thousand dollars…it was all the kidnappers could come up with in such a short period of time …but the ex being nice agreed to take me back for that amount and as long as the kidnappers sent her an additional 500 dollars a month she would not return me to them