Humor Thread

I was sexually active at 8. It is now 8:16 and my arm is tired.

 

What is 69 X 2? Dinner for four.

 

I read that one to my wife. She did not understand. I explained it to her and got slapped. Now I don't understand.

 

Just because it's Oktoberfest season...

 

Can I still drop by on Sundays with my dirty clothes for mom to wash?

 

I had sex the other night for one hour and twenty seconds. Thanks, day light savings time!

 

Major coffee through the nose spit on that one. When reading this thread, one should avoid drinking coffee.

 

Or beer.
Or anything really.

 

So. I am sitting at the bar with a good friend. We have been visiting this wonderful bar for quite a while now. Usually occupy the same bar stools much like Cliff and Norm at Cheers.

I take another long drink on my ice cold mug of beer, slam the mug onto the top of the bar, then wipe the foam from my lips with my sleeve and point across the room at two drunks, and say to my bud, "look at those two drunks. They seem to be here all the time and drink far too much"

Buddy looks at me as explains, "That is the mirror on the far side of the bar you asshole?

 

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with.

She replied that yes, I was the only one she had been with. The others have been at least eights or nines.