Humor Thread

I like her.

 

During a crisis, why are the women and children saved first? So the men can think about solving the problem in peace.

 

If I ever find that guy that messed up my limb transplant, I’ll rip him apart with my bear hands.

 

Weird, all that came though was an IMG tag. However, as I quoted your post it showed up???

 

That is weird, as both pictures show for me.

 

Me too now, but I was going to mention that all I could see was the IMG tag and as I hit the reply link, the image showed up in your post and in mine.

 

Now I'm viewing the site on Chrome mobile and neither image shows. On my Samsung browser it does.

 

Tapatalk also don't show the pictures. But firefox on my phone does.

 

Have you ever listened to some folks for a minute and thought..."Their cornbread ain't done in the middle"?

 

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was
married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam,
Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all
single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk

 

Two 10 year old boys where at the playground but where hungry and wanted to buy some ice cream but neither of them had any money.

Then one of them spotted a church across the road so he ran across the road and into the church.
couple of minutes later, he came out with a $50 note.

His friend said, no way, you shouldn't steal money from the church!

Relax, he friend said, I didn't steal it. I just told the minister he'd better give me the money otherwise I'd tell the cops what he did to me when I was an altar boy.
Works everytime!

 

Bob: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Liz: Was it a wide road? Was there traffic? What time of the day was it? Had other chickens succeeded? Was it the chcken's day off? Did the chcken have anxiety issues? How long....

Bob: Fack...never mind Liz

 

This is Lexi, she’s an 8 week-old German Shepherd,
I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife but it turns out
she is allergic to dogs so we are now looking to find her a new home.
She is 68 years old, an attractive and caring woman who drives,
is a great cook and keeps a clean house.