Humor Thread

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A Mexican spokesperson has replied to to the question of how the people of Mexico feel about Trump's wall.
"Disappointed and sad." they said, "But we will get over it."

 

A Police Officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in Lovers' Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.

He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.

He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the Officer walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, Officer?"

The trooper asks: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the Officer says: "And, her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails." Now, the trooper is totally confused.

A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in Lover's Lane and nothing obscene is happening!

The trooper asks: "What's your age, young man?"

The young man says: "I'm 22, sir."

The trooper asks: "And her, what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

 

Arthur Bingle won first place in the national championship smash up demolition derby recently but was later disqualified for cheating.

On review of video footage of the event, it was found that Arthur was using a mobile phone whilst driving in the event, giving him an unfair advantage.

 

I didn't realize you canadians got so offended so easily...

 

The Tyler who posted that complaint is from Buffalo New York. But I can sure see where that could raise and eyebrow or two. Next complaint will be from some person saying that "French Vanilla" is a racist term.

 

A man comes running into a bar waving a hand gun around yelling, "All right, who's the SOB that's been sleeping around with my wife?!"
A few seconds later a voice at the back of the bar yells "You don't have enough bullets!"

 

Who sees the face in the cup lid?

 

Make another element UM-DA for total confusion

 

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a golf ball.'
Man: 'That's nice.'
Boy: 'Want to buy it?'
Man: 'No, thanks.'
Boy: 'My dad's outside.'
Man: 'OK, how much?'
Boy: '$250'
Man: ‘OK, sold’

A few weeks later, exactly the same thing happens and the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy: 'Dark in here.'
Man: 'Yes, it is.'
Boy: 'I have a sand wedge’.

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy: '$750'
Man: 'Sold'

A few days later the boy’s father says to his son, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball Let's go outside and have some short game practice.'
The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge.'
Father: 'What? How much did you sell them for?'
Boy: '$1,000.'
Father: 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess. They go to the church, and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit with me again. You're in my cupboard now.'

 

A boy comes home and says to his father.

I went to church today.

The father says; Well that sounds interesting. Why don't you sit down here and tell me all about it?

To this, the boy replied. I can't. My bottom still hurts.

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Two 10 year old boys where at the shops and both where feeling very hungry wanting some Ice cream.

One of them said to the other, Hey, wait here, I'll be back.

He ran across the road and into a church. Within a couple of minutes, the boy came out with a $50 note.

His friend says, how did you get that money? You didn't steal it did you?

No, I just told the minister that I'd go to the cops and tell on him if he didn't give me the money. Works every time.

 

"I'm not quite in the fetal position yet. Nope. I think I'll score 35 in the 4th quarter and win the Super bowl"




Thank you Mr Goodell! lol

 

Incredible come back.

 

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