Humor Thread

This is what the anti-gun crowd would have us believe...

 

The Airlander 10 (British Air Ship) makes Kim K. ass look tiny:

 

Whenever the birds fly by and shit on my freshly washed truck, I like to sit on the front step with a huge plate of scrambled eggs and eat them to show what I am really capable of doing.

 

Two women who know each other die and meet in heaven.

"Hi, Wanda!" says one.

"Hi Sylvia," says the other. "How'd you die?"

Sylvia says, "I froze to death."

"How horrible," states Wanda.

"It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death," Sylvia explained. "What about you?"

"I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV," said Wanda.

Sylvia asked, "So, what happened?"

"I was so sure there was another woman there, somewhere, that I started running all over the house looking," Wanda explained. "I ran into the attic and searched, and down in the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and I finally became so exhausted I just keeled over with a heart attack and died."

"Too bad you didn't look in the freezer, we'd both be alive," added Sylvia.

 

Very funny-----


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http://s1121.photobucket.com/user/beckco909/media/Mobile Uploads/image_4.png.html?sort=3&o=1

 

Don't think this as so much funny, but what's missing in America! We don't have any riders in the premier class in MotoGP!

 

This morning I was beat up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boob when she asked "will you please press one."

So I did.

I don't remember much after that.

 

This guy comes home from work after a very long day, and see's his wife's car in the street parked with the hood up, He walks in the house and sits down in his recliner just exhausted and takes his shoes off and dozes off to sleep.

His wife walks in, honey honey you have to get up and fix the car it's broke. He looks at his wife and says, "what do I look like Mr. good wrench", call and have it fixed I'm tired.

The next day he comes home from work even more exhausted goes in the house and sits down in his recliner and falls asleep. His wife walks in, honey honey the washing machine broke you got to get up and fix it. He looks at Her, "what do I look like Sam the Maytag repair man" ?, call and have it fixed.

A couple days later the guy comes home from work, The car is in the driveway all washed and waxed. he walks in the house the, wash machine is running, he goes in the kitchen, honey wow, congratulations. I knew you could get that fixed. Who fix that for us. She looks at him and says, us ?, well let's see, old Johnny next-door he could fix anything, he's a good old soul. The guy says how much is that going to cost us. She looked at him again and says US ? Well let's see Johnny said I could bake him a cake or give him a BJ, the man looks down at the ground in disgust, then turns to his wife and says or what kind of cake are you going to bake him ? his wife turns back to him and says what do I look like Betty Crocker.

 

I probably shouldn't have posted that but I'm just as human as you

 

This guys blonde girlfriend flys in town and he picks he up at the airport.
She gets in his car and says what have you been up too today ?
He replies, well i had to have my right turn signal fixed today.
She says your in here how do you know it is working ?
He says stick your head out there and see ?
She looks and says YES,NO,YES,NO

 

It was a Sunday morning and the devil walks up the a open window while the preacher is preaching, everyone runs out in fear except for the preacher and a 90 year old man in the Front pew, the Devil jumps in the window.
Preacher man. I know why your still here, but why is that old man still here does he not see or know who i am ? The preacher says, he is right here why dont you ask him ? The devil asks the old man, old man why are you still here ? The old man replys i know who you are I married your sister 75 years ago i just wanted to see what you looked like.

 

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"

 

This is a humor thread so check this out .....

http://m.ebay.com/itm/182237529830?_mwBanner=1

Kinda funny.

 

Ground up "restoration"? Fiberglass (Chinese?) panels. Wrong color, outragous price!

 

I own one of these and there is a ton of mods on mine. There is NO way that that bike is worth what the guy is asking.

 

15,700 miles and it was in need of a ground up resto. Something is amiss here. Mine has over 125K miles and needs work, but not even close to a ground up.