Humor Thread

Two lawyers were walking down Rodeo Drive, and saw Sara Palin walking towards them. "What a babe," one said, "I'd sure like to fuck her!"

"Really?" the other responded, "Out of what?"



Hear about the dyslexia rabbi? He walked around yelling "yo"........

 

You may need to sign into youtube to play as it has been suggested the video may not be appropriate for all audiences HOWEVER i strongly recommend you do

[video=youtube;i17pORf_iE4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i17pORf_iE4[/video]

 

LOVED IT! with my mourning coffee. ..

 

chickens get no respect

 

Did your mourning coffee make you sad?

 

Actually almost spit it out before it came oot my nose

 

Is this discrimination? lol Saw this while working in Chicago a few weeks ago.

 

Yea, those signs are becoming increasingly more popular. People in wheelchairs aren't allowed to carry a 92fs anywhere around here either.

 

LOL, you knew the silhouette was Barretta 92. I guess Glock's are fine.

 

Snub-nosed .38 models are banned in quite a few establishments down this way too. I guess they want you to hit what you're aiming at.... I've yet to see a sticker discouraging 1911 die-hards, so I guess I'm good lol.

 

That is if the projectile does not hit your toes after leaving the barrel...if it does.

 

My groupings with a snub-nose would be appropriate for the Humor Thread for sure. Is there a Pathetic Thread around here somewhere? They'd fit right in there too....

 

I have a Ruger snub nosed 357 that is ported and had a fine trigger job. It groups very well and has little recoil with 357's and almost none with 38's but it is loud as hell and a big pressure wave hits you.

 

What a great idea. You should start one. You make the rules.

 

My only concern is that it would quickly turn into "The SOW Thread." Still though...

 

Robert, from Glasgow Scotland sends a text message to his wife, "Jenny! I've just stopped at the corner pub for a wee dram and just having one more with the laddies. If I'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again."

 

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without
water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the
sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden;
he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what
looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this
is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There's a calculator in her pocket. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an IRS genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like
you're a goner anyway!"

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And
he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold
coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says...
"I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***
He's turned into a tampon.

 

Ooooh didn't see that coming....

 

Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don’t Wave Back:

10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
9. Leather and studs make it too heavy to raise arm.
8. Refuse to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off.
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley.
4. Just discovered the fine print in owner’s manual and realized H-D is partially owned by Honda.
3. Can’t tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else.
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
1. They’re too tired from spending hours polishing all that chrome to lift their arms.

Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Riders Don’t Wave Back:

10. Wasn’t sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
6. The espresso machine just finished.
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer.
3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature, and satellite navigation system.
1. Couldn’t find the “auto wave back” button on dashboard.

Top Ten Reasons Why Sportbike Riders Riders Don’t Wave Back:

10. Have not been riding long enough to know they’re supposed to.
9. Going too fast to have time enough to register the movement and respond.
8. You weren’t wearing bright enough gear for them to acknowledge you.
7. If they stick their arm out going that fast they’ll rip it out of the socket.
6. They’re too occupied with trying to get rid of their chicken strips.
5. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars or they don’t want to unbalance themselves while standing on the tank.
4. Their skin tight-kevlar-ballistic-nylon-kangaroo-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal.
3. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops.
2. It’s too hard to do one-handed stoppies.
1. They were too busy slipping their flip-flop back on.

Top Ten Reasons Why BMW Riders Riders Don’t Wave Back:

10. New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm.
9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered “bad form.”
8. Your bike isn’t weird enough looking to justify acknowledgement.
7. Too sore from an 800-mile day on a stock “comfort” seat.
6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to iPod, XM, and talking on the cell phone.
5. He’s an Iron Butt rider and you’re not!
4. Wires from Gerbing's are just too short.
3. You’re not riding the “right kind” of BMW.
2. You haven’t been properly introduced.
1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture

 

Did ya send the bro the Harley one :-D