Humor Thread

If your piss is green you have a real problem. See a doctor as soon as you can.

 

I'll just park this here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GIfISN4-G8

 

Squeezing a grape will never be the same.

 

liver still recycling drugs from the eighties......split pee may be a better analogy

 

You're just taking the piss now.

 

In a remarkable twist, its natural predator has been observed nesting nearby.

 

A man was walking by a travel agency and noticed a sign in the window that read: “all-expense paid world cruise only $250!” The man walked in and asked “is the all-expense paid world cruise really only $250? “Yes” the receptionist replied. The man slapped the money on the counter and the girl rang a bell on her desk. At that moment two big guys, dressed in black came out of the back and placed a bag over his head. They tied him up and threw him into a truck. The next thing he knew he was rudely thrown onto a plane and then he was airborne. After what seemed like hours he was untied, the hood was ripped off his head and he was shoved out the door of the airplane into an expanse of sparkling ocean. Behind him tumbled a rubber boat and a little plastic paddle. He climbed into the boat and started to paddle but he soon became discouraged. But then, on the horizon, there appeared a tiny speck. He paddle toward that speck and it got bigger. He realized it was another guy, like himself, in a little rubber boat. “Say friend” he hollered, “are you with this all-expense paid world cruise? “Yes” he said. “Do they come back and pick you up?” “Well they didn’t last year.”

 

Biker Chili
*
*
A duded-up city rider walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. He sits at the bar and notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.*

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the newby rider bravely asks the old biker, 'If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?'*
*
The old veteran of a thousand rides slowly turns his head toward the young pup and says, 'Nah, you go ahead.'*

Eagerly, the guy wearing the shiny new leather fashions reaches over and slides the bowl into his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom of the bowl and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfed up the chili back into the bowl.*

The old biker quietly says, 'Yep, that's as far as I got, too.'*
*

 

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes.

Then he thought a moment and said "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth".

The dad replied "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree".

 

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18 hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. Whens she realizes her mistake, she looks at the faberglasted teller, without missing a beat, says, "Well dammit, that's great...some asshole's got my pen."

 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 

You are one sick puppy..umm I mean cat....wait what?

 

Dyslexics Untie!

 

Start your own business

.

 

Thought that was SOW Lint

 

That's what happens after you hit A PEDO. at least landed in a nice soft tree.

 

Isn't it strange. They say we should drink eight glasses of water a day to stay healthy. We gag at the thought and never accomplish this. Yet, while BBQing a steak and eating it, we can consume 8 bottles of beer.

 

[FONT=&quot]Why God Sends Rain to Mexico & Not the Middle East







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Any questions?
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