Humor Thread

Since this after all a Honda Forum, I thought this one my parents emailed me might particularly interesting.

The Honda mechanic was removing a cylinder head from a Honda motor when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?” The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $24,000 a year and you make $1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?"


The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.... "Try doing it with the engine running."

 

I read these to my wife and now she's not speaking to me. Thank you!

 

Kinda goes with this joke…..

You know what you did wrong when your wife comes out of the kitchen bitchin' at you…. You made her chain too long.

 

Scotch through the nose!

 

Ya know. My life is a little complicated lately and I am having mixed drinks about feelings right about now.

 

How to fail a breath test

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=633673356691631

Think I'll have another

 

Congratulations on your recent marriage!!!

 

[FONT=&quot]I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"[/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]And that's the last thing I remember.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]​

 

A man's man.

 

As a trucker stops at a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you're losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde's car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's Winter in Manitoba and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

 

Some of these had me in tears I was laughing so hard

http://dontpkethebear.com/25-funny-auto-correct-fails/

 

Having my mom's shaved pussie for dinner. Don't know whether to laugh hard on that one or puke!

 

Thanks OOTV they are funny as, had to stop reading them half way as my wife is trying to get to sleep and the suppressed laughter is making my chest explode.

 

EPIC PENIS

That was awesome, lol!

 

skittletits

 

Yeah, my wife was trying to figure out what was making me laugh so hard. I love the ones that try to correct the change and then that too got auto corrected. She read a couple and they gad the same affect on her.

 

It's an entire genre of humor that didn't even exist 15 years ago. These are great days.

 

Finally got to finish them this morning, glad I stopped reading them last night at " Bitchgobblet potatoes " as they just got funnier and funnier and I was about to re-create the " Diggus Dickus " scenes end from Life of Brian. :biggrin-new:

[video=youtube;jow34DFZ18k]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jow34DFZ18k[/video]

 

A farmer was on the stand in court. He was sueing a driver that hit him. The farmer had on neck brace and arms and legs in a casts. The defendants attorney was cross examining him.

"Is it true that when the police showed up you stated that you said you were feeling fantastic and never felt better in your whole life?"

The farmer said, "Well I was taking my prized mule to the fair…" The attorney interrupted the farmer, " I would like for you to answer the question. Did you tell the police officer that you were feeling fantastic and never felt better in your whole life?"

Again the farmer said, "Well I was taking my prized mule to the fair…". "Objection your honor!" interrupted the attorney again, "Would you please ask the plaintiff to answer the question?"

The judge said, "I will allow the plaintiff to continue. I would like to hear his side of the story."

"Thank you your honor." Said the farmer. "As I was saying, I was taking my prized mule to the fair when the defendants car hit my car and the trailer. When the police officer showed up he saw my mule. My poor mule was in such pain and agony. I could hear it wailing. The police officer noticed that the mule had broken legs and he could tell that his neck wasnt quite right. Thats when the policeman pulled out his gun and shot my prized mule in the head to put it out of its misery. Then the cop walked up to me and asked, "How do YOU feel?"…..So Mr Attorney how in the hell was I supposed to answer?"

 

Hard to be Monty Python...:thumbsup: