Any good "quotes"

Monty Python FTW!!

 

How about from a song?..."I give in to sin, because I have to make this life liveable"

 

"Death is just natures way of telling you its time to slow down."
"I hope your chickens turn into emu's & kick your out house down'.
And my step fathers favorite "If it was raining women, you'd get washed down the gutter with a pooftah.

 

Step father must have thought you unlucky growing up ?

A couple of other basic Aussie sayings:
" Couldn't get a root in a brothel "
" Sticks out like Dogs Balls "
" Busier than a one armed cab driver with crabs "

 

No, my Step father was just a prick.

I think there is a book out there with classic S'tralian quotes.

"Dryer than a dead dingo's donger"
"Got a face like a dirty bum"
"Wouldn't know the postmen was up her till he blew his whistle"
"He must have 2 penises...you couldn't be that stupid from pulling one"
"If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards".

 

This is a quote from a friend, when he chose the good looking girl and I got stuck with the "not so good looking girl" (PC)

You don't look at the mantlepiece when you're stoking the fire.

 

I'm not a Gynecologist, but I'll take a look at it.

 

A closed mouth collects no foot.

 

"pain is the bodies way of telling you your not dead yet"

 

I had a shop teacher in HS that used to say, "knock it off or I'll beat you like a 4 year old in Wal Mart."

I also had a history teacher that referred to the Japanese as "Little Yellow People."

Yay Tennessee edumacation!!!
:thumb:

 

speaking of shop teachers. Mine used to say "Use your head for something besides a hat rack".

 

This was floating around on FB...
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.
When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'.
They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life" - John Lennon

 

"Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile"

 

True stories from my friend's kid, who was 4 at the time:

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up Matt?
A. Big.

Situation: Matt busts into the bathroom while Dad is taking a leak.
Matt's comment: I want hair on my penis.

Not exactly quotes, but entertaining nevertheless.

 

There's a sucker born every minute.
-P.T. Barnum

 

An armed society is a polite society.
-Robert Heinlein

 

this is a quote from the first drunk driver I ever arrested.. " go fuk yourself" as he threw up out the door of his vehicle....

 

Famous Quote.

Why do people say "Grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really wanna get tough,grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding! -Betty White