Need Advice (non-bike related)

I have to agree with Whiteknight. If the mom goes in on whatever decision you make then all this will be easier. If she is the defensive type saying, "let my son do what he wants" well then its an up hill battle. All the advise here is good but let me make a suggestion. Why dont you play X-Box with your stepson? Bring yourself down to a level that he can relate too. Then transitioning to camping/motorcycle/bonding stuff may be easier. Try and become a friend instead of "the stepdad". This will take a little time. A senario would be, it could start off like you playing games for a week or two straight with him, then when you have bonded and he asks you why arent you playing today tell him you have to work on the bike and you could use his help (ie treating him as an equal). Dont get upset if he says no thanks it'll probably come around. Dont rush it. Scenario #2 is that he has distain for you playing his x box and he stops playing it. In which case you have also won because he is probably doing something else other that XBox. This only means you have to get good at playing video games. Hope this helps

 

Yeah, kids want structure....

 

<<< Admitted young guy and ex-video game addict. I'm 19, when I was about 16-17 I was doing the same thing, just playing games on the computer (World of Warcrack.... yeah) non-stop. I would stay up so late I was late for class a bunch of times, I didn't do homework... Hell I put off eating at times. My mom would catch me up late night on the computer and yell at me to go to bed or she's taking the computer away.... how did I respond? I moved the monitor in a position that would be easy to hide the light from around the gaps in the door and for me to ditch the keyboard/mouse and pretend like I was sleeping if I heard/saw someone coming.

The only thing I wanted more than to play was to get a motorcycle. I sold my account for 300 dollars and got a job to pay for my first bike (My VF500F).

Never looked back since.

It took me having a passion for something more to get me off of Warcrack; displacing effort and interests into something better.

Now I have a full time position building computers, I have a 6200 dollar motorcycle (That I' paid off in 8 months) and am at least doing something with my life (school isn't my thing).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not determined at this point how your step son is going to end up, how he is not necessarily how he's always going to be. However, truly the motivation has to come from his own interest, IMO those who obsess over video games are trying to fill a void of lack of accomplishment.... cool, you just got the ultimate new cool superweapon of justice.... that's more accomplishment than you can feel in real life.

For me, I have an interest in computers and motorcycles. I ride a bike and work with computers for a living. I've tied my bike to my work and both are passions. I think you just need to help your step-son do something similar. What's he like MORE than XBox that's healthy and constructive.

Here's an example. If he like motorcycles/mechanics, I'd say buy a trashed dirtbike and give him budget of XXX dollars to build it back to acceptable running condition. Constrain the time frame which he has to do it. Say that it's all his if he can do it. Instead of getting on the computer to play games, he's researching how carbs work, how suspensions work, how sequential transmissions work, how to use a torque wrench, what oil to use, what the chain slack should be.... showing that electronics are capable of delivering not just digital interactive entertainment but also a TOOL to give you a GENUINE feeling of accomplishment with tangible results.

You may find that a new obsession takes over that is healthy and constructive.

...or chastise him that he'll never get laid playing XBos. Girls are a good motivator too.... this can lead to Gym, eating right.........or an addiction to internet porn.

 

Being a 21 year old, I definitely remember what your son is going through. I can assure you that most of his pals are also playing Xbox all day, it seems to be the newest trend in social networking for teens these days. And if he's anything like me he's probably playing Halo or L4D. The good thing about these games is that they involve a lot of co-operation and provides for excellent team building. The bad side is 90% of the time you'll never meet your "buddy" on the other side of the screen.

So my suggestion is to see if he's interested in some particular sport or hobby. Drop hints as to how he can make friends and go out to have fun. It also doesn't hurt to turn a blind eye towards one of those parties he wants to sneak off to

 

So, I have almost every perspective covered here; I'm a gamer (old school), a step-kid (back in the day), step father (still, though we dropped the 'step' name a long time ago), and have raised three 15 year olds, and have one left currently 15.

First I absolutely agree with Cundalini above, as well as the 'unified front' brought up by several about both parents being on same page.

There have been a lot of good suggestions; I would only modify them a bit, and say as a step-parent, a good tactic is to not make it confrontational, whatever your chosen solution. Plan it ahead, don't surprise him, decide on some other activity, schedule it a couple days out, then you (with the wife in ear shot so he knows your both together) tell him about the event scheduled. This gives him time to continue his schedule, while planning (or not) for your event. Like his drum lessons, maybe even make it re-occurring. Each scheduled time doesn't have to be the same event; perhaps a 'Step-dad/son' time schedule, and you can make it different things. If his sleeping schedule is a concern (I wouldn't be too bothered by it, unless it is disruptive to family events), then schedule your time early, so he'll learn to sleep the night before.

In this way, you can ween him off the console, spend some more constructive time, correct his sleeping schedule and NOT make it a confrontational event.

Like others have stated, he may not like it much, but it's less of an issue if you don't shock him with the news and he can 'plan' for it. Also, if you stay consistent, and its supportive (even let him decide what you'll do sometimes-and you will 'enjoy' it because you obviously care), then I think he'll get the discipline and structure he needs, which will show him you care (instead of just saying it) and yet it wont be a big conflict.

There you go, my little attempt to help. I hope it goes well.

 

Being that he's your stepson and that it's summer and he's on vacation from school.... I'd leave him alone.... With the exception of some Outside chores to earn his keep, like ride the mower, or go for a ride on your back seat of your bike "if" he wants to..... But his actions are normal in my book..... To this day I'm a late riser, due to the fact I'm up till 3 in the morning.... Before I retired, I had to get up at 5 in the morning to go to work for years. I don't care for it.... I've always liked to be a late to bed, late to rise person..... It's pretty much the same amount of time spent awake/sleep, just done in a different time zone. My 44 year old son is a high school teacher, he says kids do this all the time.... At least he's home instead of out roaming around....... My brothers son does that all the time as well, and still does (33), now he's a computer programmer.

 

I am naturally a night person as well, but that isn't the main focus I believe (just a side effect). As Fizz has said, it definitely interrupts with school as well. One of my old friends started gaming like that during summer break. Then it was Christmas break and Spring break, and then it was ALL THE TIME. He wouldn't answer calls, emails, IM's, anything.

If this is just starting it would be in his best interest to curb it, even a little.

I really have nothing against gaming, my fiance and I both enjoy it. It is just like everything else, needs to be done in moderation. Loving VFRs and VFRW is excluded from this, it is to be loved all the time and insider subscriptions kept current! hehe

 

Don't hate, lol I've got other financial priorities ATM. I've had a bone stock bike for 8 months now. I still need to get my suspension resprung and new bars... and insurance. How I hate insurance.

 

i'm 26 so I grew up during the video game era I still play alot but 12-16 hours a day is unhealthy, I consider myself a gamer I play prob 6 or so hours a day which is still a retarted amount don't get me wrong but I also workout an hour and a half to two hours too and I ride A LOT already have 3500 miles on the VFR in 2 months before you all start blasting me about not having a job I was laid off around christmas time and havn't found one yet economy sucks what can I say but even when I was young I had to buy my own games and gaming systems my dad runs his own well drilling company so I was a roughneck during all my summer breaks since I was about 13-14 if you don't believe me VFRHUSBAND is whitness since he went through same stuff (my brother), you should make him pay for some of the internet he is using i'm sure you really have no need for highspeed internet except for VFR forum and well lets face it porn, just the thoughts from somebody who has grown up during tech boom era.