PITA Awards

Well Randy, I think you'll get a kick out of this one buddy. Not so much a PITA as a PITN, allow me to extrapolate!
So , week started off pretty good, gota dinner date set for thursday with this great gal I've been trying to get together with, things are looking good, potential CEO material even. Monday, ex girlfriend calls, her plumbing is clogged, can I help her out? Sure thing, I'm a licensed turd fitter, we still get along great, hell maybe I'll even get a little something as a token of her appreciation, couple beers , some dinner, something else maybe........
Alright , Tueday comes along, I get off work , shoot to her place , she greets me at the door, big kiss and hug , thanks so much, yada yada yada.. I walk in tool box in one hand , drain auger in the other, her daughter is on the couch watching tv with her mutt (keyword here). I say hi , how are you, dog perks up (Jack russell rat bastard) , does a leap off the couch, one bounce off the floor and attaches it jaws firmly around MY LEFT TESTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I scream like a school girl, she grabs the dog and tries to pull it off, I scream more, tools everywhere, I drop to my knees and trey to strangle the little prick until it finally lets go and I heave it across the room. Now I'm doubled over ready to puke holding my groin and moaning like I just lost my best buddy, oh wait maybe I did!
A couple minutes go by and in my head I'm like "SUCK IT UP STUPID" , how bad can it be, get to my feet and now I'm wobbly, look down and oh shit, I think I better go check on the boys, pants are turning red, this can't be good.
Have a look and suer a hell, got a few good puncture wounds and a swelling goin on. But, I can't let this stop me , get some peroxide and some toilet paper, all good. I come out and they're freaked, daughter is screaming at mom because she smacked the dog , Mom is crying, what a mess. I grab my tools and head for the clogged drain. She asks what I'm doing and I tell her that I'm not leaving til the job is done, get me a beer and keep 'em coming. I finish about twenty minutes and four beers later . as I'm leaving I tell her , you REALLY owe me for this one, booty call in the bank !!
Now back to the date I had, due to a sore , swollen lemon, that didn't go quite as well as I would have liked either, another one "In the bank". Man I need this week to end before I get laid off or something. Now do you understand my PITN acronym. Thinking about it now though, if I was the one watching this happened I would probably still be laughing about it, I hope you get a good chuckle out of it . Cheers Boys:cheersaf::hurt:

 

Thanks for the laugh 300shooter

 

I am still laughing

:rofl::rofl:ound:ound::laugh:

 

I'm laughing now, I'm sure i'll be in hysterics the next time I see "Something about Mary".

 

cute doggie :2guns::laser::flamer:

 

That dog would have become stir fry. I am hurtn' for you. SOunds like this is right out of a comedy

 

Sorry to hear it man, but I (and a few of my co-workers) got one heck of a laugh out of this. Wow, kind of puts my day into perspective.......

 

ah man, awesome story 300!

 

Some how i think we have found our winner!! :first:

I had to get up and walk that one off 300! ound:

 

300shooter...I will definitely not ask you to post any pictures...talk about cringing material. That would be worse than when Monday Night Football showed Theisman's leg snap on instant reply about a thousand times, from a thousand angles, at varying degrees of slow motion.

 

That was an absolutely exquisite entry. I am uncertain that it can be topped. Shooter, you should be proud of that one. Are you keeping a watch for any signs of infection? Dogs lick their asses clean and sometimes other dogs. Fecal matter in an open wound can be a devastating injury. IF that happens, I vote that you get to keep the dog and do whatever you see fit. I would think that an aerosol can and a lighter would be a good start to his "training".

 

A sergeant of mine liked to tell the story of when her husband got bit on the testicle by a brown recluse spider. She recalled with glee how it swelled to grapefruit size and in gory detail how it had to be lanced and packed. She sneered as she stated she would dance around the bedroom in her sexiest negligee as he squirmed and moaned and attempted not to get aroused.
She was kinda mean.

 

Ahh good news, the dog's owner came over and apologized last nite. I'm feeling much better now................:thumbsup::wink:

 

If that had been me, that dog's owner would be dogless.

 

Winner annoounced at top of thread

 

I graciously accept this award in memory of all the potential children that died at the hand, er ,teeth of that scruffy little mongrel. And as for you little doggy, you can run but you can't hide, gonna pops a cap in yo a$$ beatch!!

 

VFRWorld needs to know... Have you suitable healed?

 

You'll be glad to know the dog's very hot owner came over to say sorry and sucked the apology right outta my d$%k,I love that line, can't remember what movie that was from though. Anyway now i think I'll go and partake in some of Windsor's finest, world renowned exotic dancers just to make sure everything is ok. Now where's my can of Raid? Cheers:cheersaf:

 

you mean I didn't win??!?! I call foul on technicality.... 300 had a pain in the NUTS not a pain in the

Seriously, that's a big sacrifice for a prestigious award... Now let's see if I can get some german shepherds and some bacon in my undies to beat that for next year!!!