TOP 10 REASONS WHY HARLEY RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK: 10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty. 9. Leather and studs make it too heavy to raise arm. 8. Refuse to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for. 7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off. 6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos. 5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley. 4. Just discovered that fine print in owner’s manual and realized that H-D is partially owned by Honda. 3. Can’t tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else. 2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on helmet spike. 1. They’re too tired from spending hours polishing all that chrome to lift their arms. TOP TEN REASONS WHY GOLDWING RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK: 10. Wasn’t sure whether other riders was waving or making an obscene gesture. 9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip. 8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm. 7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him. 6. The espresso machine just finished. 5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved. 4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer. 3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen. 2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature, and satellite navigation system. 1. Couldn’t find the “auto wave back” button on dashboard. TOP 10 REASONS CROTCHROCKETS DON’T WAVE BACK: 10. They have not been riding long enough to know they’re supposed to. 9. They’re going too fast to have enough time to register the movement and respond. 8. You weren’t wearing bright enough gear. 7. If they stick their arm out going that fast, they’ll rip it out of the socket. 6. They’re too occupied with trying to get rid of chicken strips. 5. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars or they don’t want to unbalance themselves while standing on the tank. 4. Their skin tight-kevlar-ballistic-nylon-kangaroo-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal. 3. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops. 2. It’s too hard to do one-handed stoppies. 1. They were too busy slipping their flip-flops back on. TOP 10 REASONS WHY BMW RIDERS DON’T WAVE BACK: 10. New Aerostitch suit too stiff to raise arm. 9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered “bad form”. 8. Your bike isn’t weird enough looking to justify acknowledgement. 7. Too sore from an 800-mile day ride on a stock “comfort” seat. 6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to Ipod, XM, or talking on the cell phone. 5. He’s an Iron Butt rider and you’re not! 4. Wires from Gerbings are too short. 3. You’re not riding the “right kind” of BMW. 2. You haven’t been properly introduced. 1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture.
10. They have not been riding long enough to know they’re supposed to. 9. They’re going too fast to have enough time to register the movement and respond. 6. They’re too occupied with trying to get rid of chicken strips. Guilty of all of above :redface:
A few weekends ago I was riding through Hocking Hills State Park in Hocking County Ohio, heading north on Rt. 374. It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, but first, I must digress a moment before I return to my story... For those of you who may not yet be familiar with Hocking Hills State Park, it is a national treasure. The Hocking Hills and southern Ohio region is rich in Woodland Native American history and archeology, particularly Shawnee, Wyandot, Delaware, and Adena-Hopewell tribes, to name but a few. Highly popular geological attractions within the park include Old Man's Cave, Cedar Falls, Conkle's Hollow, Ash Cave, Rock House, and Tar Hollow, where beautiful sandstone gorges, caves, rock formations, waterfalls, etc. were carved out by water over many millenia. The region also includes several gorgeous campgrounds, a state-run lodge with many surrounding cabins, as well as a great many private 'get-away' cabins and campgrounds within and around the Park. Visitors annually come from near and far to enjoy the natural beauty, tranquility, and peacefulness of this hilly region of Ohio, which is geologically among the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains to the south/southeast, and the Allegheny Mountains to the east/northeast. Many of these visitors may include families living on ever tighter budgets, and for them, a week or two of camping in the Hocking Hills region may be the only annual family vacation they can afford for themselves and their children... With this background information in mind, now let me bring you back to the day I was speaking of a few weeks ago, when I made a rest-stop along Rt. 374. While I was sitting at a local hangout drinking some water and stretching my legs, I witnessed a long parade of Harley's rolling northbound on Rt. 374. Curiously, this seemingly never-ending gaggle of Harley's were distinct in that almost all of these motorcycles had straight-pipes, and the noise therein (which included frequent, ear-shattering backfires) was simply deafening. (Indeed, I shoved my earplugs back in place.) But what most struck me was the behavior of the lead rider, who was riding the noisiest Harley of them all. First, I will mention that this heavily tatoo'd sociopathic, knuckle-scaping Neanderthal was riding a Harley with the most ridiculously high ape-hangers I've ever seen (good for cooling off the armpits?), and he was wearing nothing more than shorts and boots. His woman was similarly dressed. As this neolithic dipshit passed to the north in front of me while I watched from my roadside chair, several guys on sport-bikes (who were fairly well attired in some riding gear) were coming south, and as they passed, the sport riders waved, but as they did so this caveman raised his left hand from his ape-hangers and gave them the finger, and he kept his one-arm salute up in the air long enough so that the sport riders might see it in their mirrors, just in case they didn't see it beforehand. The caveman then rolled on some throttle and created a lot more noise as he crested the hill and went out of my sight. Perhaps the caveman was just having a bad day due to the stresses and headaches of cooking-up another batch of meth in the garage behind his trailer, and he was just blowing off some steam? Maybe he just got out of the joint and needed some time to re-establish his identity as a hateful thug? OK, I've made some fun of a stereotype here. The truth is that I've encountered far more Harley riders who are polite and friendly. In fact, last year while I was stopped out in the middle of no-where while riding a fancy BMW K1200GT, a polite and kind Harley rider pulled over and asked if he could be of help, while every sport bike rider who passed me that hour blew right on by me, without any consideration. Even though it's now 2008, many of us humans still tend to assort ourselves according to 'tribal' and subcultural affiliations, and this is pointless. Just take a look at the latest Harley advertisements in which H-D attempts to distinguish itself from among all other motorcycle manufacturers: they don't make pianos (Yamaha); they don't make lawnmowers (Honda); they don't make cars (Suzuki). Instead, H-D claims to make only motorcycles which are pristine, showroom quality examples of 'Industrial Art'. Whatever.
that last sentence ought to changed to: Instead, H-D claims to make only motorcycles, ceramic teacups, baby jumpers, women's underwear and fridge magnets which are pristine, showroom quality examples of 'Industrial Art'. seems they'll slap that H-D logo on anything that stands still long enough...
Good list! Its funny to read this because I was just thinking of how few HD riders actually wave back. I have been guilty of the late wave and general missed wave though...
