Humor Thread

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...
And all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this when I got pulled over in my truck:
Officer:
"License, registration, and logs, please. I think you're drunk."
Me:
"I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Officer:
"Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
Me:
"A car."
Officer:
"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi, or a Ford?"
Me:
"I have no idea!"
Officer:
"So, you're drunk."
Me:
"But I didn't drink anything."
Officer:
"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you. What is it?
Me:
"A motorcycle."
Officer:
"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki, or a Harley?"
Me:
"I have no idea!"
Officer:
"As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me:
"So....counter question. "You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Officer:
"A prostitute, of course."
Me:
"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife, or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend

 

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus. That's why I lost my bus driving job.

 

A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”
The father answers,
“Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You've got male!'”

 

Last night I was out for dinner at a nice local restaurant. I decided to see the wone list and order up a nice white wine to go with dinner. The waiter asked me if I had any ID.

I said "Do I really look that young?"

he replied, "Not at all. I just wanted to see if you qualify for our seniors discount."

I didn't leave a tip.