Humor Thread

Rex needs another cup of coffee.

 

Wow. 6,183 postings and over a quarter million views to this thread. And many people look down on those of us who find comfort and joy from humour. Keep bringing it on.

 

3rd Dose concerns!!!! Just received this!
This happened yesterday and is important information for
our age group.
A friend had his 3rd booster dose of the vaccine at the
vaccination center after which on his way home he began
to have blurred vision.
When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice
as to whether he should call his doctor or report to hospital.
He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return
to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses.
Sent in larger type just in case this happens to you!

 

A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One got transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.

A new woman joined their Club.

She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"
The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m.

He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and, playing right-handed, beat all three of them with an eye-opening two-under-par round. She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed. They couldn't figure her out.

She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her.

The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady again played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them. The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

The lady blushed, and grinned.

"That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."

The guys thought this was hysterical.. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

 

Probably because Bud Light is like sex in a canoe: it's f*ucking close to water.

 

What tom said.... You can't sue Budweiser or any of the 'Lights', because it's not beer.

 

Bud or Bud Light, they're both nasty.

 

Even back when we had a brewery strike here in BC and the only beer we could get was stuff imported from the USA (very uncommon back then) I very seldom drank Bud. I had never tried it before. That was back when American beer was 3.5%. Gawd! That was some awful shit. I did like Olympia though. Ollie for short. But that brewery closed down. Fortunately the strike was over soon and we could get back to drinking real beer. That was when I arrived in Nanaimo, my very first posting. If the good lord ever was to give earth an enema, it would be straight down in down town Nanaimo.

 

If you were a local it was "Oh-lee". Oly.

Also, "It's the Water"

 

I remember that beer pretty fondly, as being pretty darned good.

 

For a light American Lager, it was. Rainier in the day was OK, but not as good as Oly.

At least I thought so in Middle School and Junior High. ;-0

My Father-in-Law was supposed to be the rider in this commercial, but the timing didn't work out. I did know the person who actually did ride.

 

The assistant handed the proctologist a Budweiser Light.
The Doc said, No! I wanted a Butt light! Bah bump.

You can keep the cold Buttwipers too.

Give me something Belgian style from Unibroue.
Now yer talking.

 

Nice cameo appearance by Dio.