After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.[/QUOTE] These are my favorites! Always good to work with people with a sense of humor. :rofl: :rofl: Thanks for sharing!
As I currently work for a flight service, these things are more common than you might think. Pilots are twisted, EMS folks are sick. Put them together and you get sick and twisted.
As a Super Hornet Maintainer we get some real winners from time to time. "Environmental Control Systems do not work in O.n F.ull F.orce position" We're not allowed to sign off gripes with smart remarks but it doesn't mean we don't have them "Remove and replaced stick actuator, opcheck's 5.0 in flight." of course we are talking about Fighter Pilots so we know all the jokes about them -How do you know your at a party and fighter pilot is there? He'll tell you. -What's the difference between God and a fighter pilot? God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot. - what's the difference between a jet engine and a fighter pilot? The engine stops whining after shutdown.
A Maintenance Officer is walking through the market and comes across a man selling monkeys. The first monkey he comes across has a price tag of $50,000 and says " Aircraft Maintenance Technician". Intrigued the Officer continues looking and comes across another monkey in a cage with an even higher price of $75,000, and the sign says the monkey is a "Maintenance/Production Control Manager". By now the Officer can't wait to find what's next. Sure enough he comes across another monkey, with a $1.2 Million price tag. but there's no sign to denote what this monkey does. Bewildered the officer asks the salesman what this monkey does to cost such an exorbant amount. The salesman replies "I've never seen him do much of anything except sit around playing cards, swear, tell lies, and fondle himself- but his papers say he's a pilot."
