Humor Thread

I think I really do fall into this category

 

Makes me feel like ordering up some chop suey for lunch after seeing that middle photo.

 

A little 10 year old girl was walking home alone from school one day when this big guy on a big black motorcycle pulled up beside her. After a while he looked at her and asks, "Hey little girl. Do you want to go for a ride?"

"No." shouted the girl very defiantly, as she kept on walking away.

The biker continues to ride along side of her and calls out to her, "Hey little girl. I will give you $10.00 if you jump on the back and go for a ride with me."

"NO!" says the little girl as she hurries away.

The biker again pull up beside here and says" OK kid. Last chance. I will give you $20.00 and a big bag of candy if you will jump on behind me and go for a ride."

Finally the girl stops and looks toward the biker and screams out, "Look dad. You're the one who traded off the Honda VFR and bought the damned Harley!"

 

Borrowing that for my collection of things to keep my Laff fans humble.......

 

STRANGE GAME AT THE AIR CANADA CENTER THE OTHER NIGHT ...........

THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS AND THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS WERE SCHEDULED TO PLAY ........

DUE TO SOME WEATHER-RELATED TRANSPORTATION ISSUES VANCOUVER DID NOT SHOW UP........

THE REF EXPLAINED THAT IF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE AN OFFICIAL GAME HE MUST DROP THE PUCK AND A GOAL HAS TO BE SCORED TO DECLARE A WINNER...........

THE LEAFS TOOK TO THE ICE AND WERE CREDITED WITH A 1-0 WIN WHEN PHIL KESSEL SCORED 2 MINUTES INTO THE THIRD PERIOD ....

 

VF1000F2F, now rideable,

 

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection
and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.

 

IQ Test

Here's a short one question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day...

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a hammer, how should he express himself?
Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer.

Scroll down

He opens his mouth and says, "I would like to buy a hammer."

If you got this wrong - please turn off your computer and call it a day.
Mine's shutting down right now.