Humor Thread

Mick and Paddy were fishing on the Irish shoreline when Mick pulled out a cigar. Finding he had No matches, he asked Paddy for a light.
'Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter,' Paddy replied and then reaching into his tackle
box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
'My God, man!' exclaimed Mick, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Where'd yew git dat monster?'
'Well,' replied Paddy, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a fecking Genie?' Mick asked.
'Ya, sure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Paddy.
'Could I see him?'
Paddy opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, Mick says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good pal of your master.
Will you grant me one wish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Mick asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Mick sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the Irish sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying directly overhead.
Over the roar of the one million ducks Mick yells at Paddy, 'What the hell? I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Paddy answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hard of hearing.
Do yew really tink I asked for a 10 inch Bic?'

 

Later on, Mick and Paddy got stranded and lost at sea for a couple of weeks, drifting aimlessly, no help in sight. One day a floating bottle drifted beside the boat and Mick picks it up.. Out pops a genie, and said "One wish I will grant you". Mick immediately shouts, "I wish we were surrounded by a sea of Guinness!" Poof, it happened.
Paddy was upset, he yelled at Mick, "You're as daft as the Blarney Stone, don't you realize now that we'll have to piss in the boat?!!!"

 

Been visiting Drive Accord lately?

 

That and Accordxclub…

 

Iced bun anyone?

 

Go Ahead and bring home a dozen assorted for you and the wife to enjoy at afternoon tea.

 

Did I miss the memo?


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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

At the bar last night a guy walks in.........ok, he did not walk in, he was already there. One guy says, "I slept with my wife before we were married, did you?". The other guy says, "I don't know; what was her maiden name?".

 

I think you're safe, Statue of Liberty.
Despite the initials.

 

I have absolutely no sympathies for bull fighters or people who get gored during the running of the bulls. I think the treatment of these animals is barbaric, especially the bull fights. SO when I see a matador get nailed, I am considering that one for the good guys.

 

The world needs so many more of us Scots.

 

Nothing like a relaxing day fishing