Man Rules

Rule 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella

Rule 2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

Rule 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

Rule 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

Rule 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

Rule 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

Rule 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

Rule 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

Rule 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Rule 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel ..and it's free.

Rule 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

Rule 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

Rule 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

Rule 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

Rule 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

Rule 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Rule 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

Rule 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

Rule 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

Rule 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

Rule 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:

i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

Rule 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.

Rule 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

Rule 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Rule 26: Thou shall not buy a car or motorcycle in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

Rule 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

Rule 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

 

These are great...
Wish someone would post the ones I've seen about:
Why Chuck Norris is the man!
Those are great too.

 

Almost forgot...

Where's the rule about men drinking from a straw?
the only time that should be acceptable is in a fast-food cup.

Completely off limits period. In any other circumstance...No Straws period.

 

The 29 facts about Chuck Norris are hilarious, here's a couple of different versions...

http://livingcity.net/viewtopic.php?t=4918&sid=5b2f61ce66cf5ffd857aca83cba0a193


http://mike.wordpress.com/2005/12/05/chuck-norris-the-facts/


http://tobetheman.com/?page_id=234

 

Awesome!
Thanks.

 

I think we need to add a rule about when it is acceptable to give another man ride on your motorcycle.

 

I was just going to say....

It is also illegal to give a man a ride on the back of your sport bike unless someones life is in danger.

It is DEFINITELY illegal to go for a ride on the back of your girlfriends sport bike.

 

The ONLY time you can give a man a ride on your motorcycle is on the way to the hospital (he has life threating injury) and you have known him for at least 5 years.

 

2 Cowboys, 1 horse = just wrong.:closed_2:

 

2 Cowboys, 1 Horse = 1 Cowboy Walking (unless he's one of those sissy cowboys....then that's just plane WRONG!!!)

 

Rule 29: A man shall NEVER purchase, attempt to purchase or solicit the purchase of Feminine Hygene Products!!

 

rule 29a: a married man will be forced to buy FHP's sooner or later if he wants to stay married

 

Please check for wife over shoulder prior to displaying

Fellas: Don't fall for this. :nono: Buy the wrong thing so that she gets sick of asking you and has to do it herself to get it right. :noidea:

:gossip: Appropriate substitute items include: Depends undergarments, cotton pads, cotton balls, stridex pads, any type of family planning product (usu. in the same row of shelves). Thumbtacks also work (sounds like tampax).

shhh!:tape:

 

Noz,

That's frickin great. I still can't stop laughing
obviously you have had some experience.

Dan

 

You guys are just too funny and rule 29a. is true.
but i dont mind she cooks good and well you know.

 

I'm going on 21 years of probationary marriage with my wife. She's been sainted numerous times for putting up with me. On cooking, it is strictly a high carbon diet at my house, but I'm not a picky eater.

I had my two sons and daughter go to homecoming at High School yesterday, damn, I'm getting old. Anyone know of a College where they offer buy two get one free?

We got confused on the rythmn method and had 3 kids in 3 years. Then stopped after we were outnumbered.

(Try the veal, I'm here all week.) :brick:

 

Hey when you have been married to the same lady for 23 years and have seven chrildren together well.... its just another day in the market.
the thongs and garters got replaced for shoes,clothes and school lunches. body lube was replaced with birth controll items and the time that we would mess around was replaced with school sport events, homework and birthdays. im told that in the long run it will pay off and get better ?:yield:

Man still rules but with luggage !!

 

Men think like dogs:
If you can't eat it or fcuk it, piss on it!