Humor Thread

EXACTLY


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

Since I can still appreciate humor

 

Lmao Lint. Are you going to share some of the secrets you just learned. LOL

 

One thing I learned is gently caress the road. It will kick your ass if you're rough with it!

 

S! What did the road say?

 

It does, "you're my bitch", and kicked my ass!!!

 

Big wheel on steroids.

 

I got pulled over by a gorgeous female officer earlier today.

She said "You are staggering."

"You are very beautiful yourself!" I replied with a smile.

We both just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.

 

I forgot which comedian's bit it was about how kids have so much stuff these days that, in order to punish them, he had to send them to His room instead of theirs...

 

Sounds like that guy who played in Caddy Sack. Can't think of his name off hand

 

Good to see you posting!

 

Are you thinking of Rodney Dangerfield?

 

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”

The teacher sat down and cried.

 

The grade two teacher tells the class to pick a word starting with the letter A. Foul little Johnny put up his hand but the teacher ignored his hand for fear of what he would come up with so chose Sally.
Apple! Delicious shiny apple.

Very good Sally.
Now class what word starts with the letter B

Again Foul Johnny raised his hand. Teacher again ignored Johnny for the same reason and called on Jimmy.
Bat. Scarey things that fly around.

Very good Jimmy. Now class what word begins with the letter C. Johnny again raised his hands. Teacher again chose someone else. And so on it goes. Using every word in the alphabet, foul Johnny would raise his hands but teacher would pick someone else.

Teacher arrived at the letter R. Johnny raised his hand in excitement but no one else put their hands up. teacher worried what Johnny would say but though hard and could not see what Johnny could say that would be inappropriate.

Ok Johnny. What starts word starts with the letter R
RATS!. Teacher was relieved. Johnny continues, Big fucking rats> And they all had cocks on them 12 inches long!