Humor Thread

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

 

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $20 for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife.

They carry on shopping. A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $40 jar of face Cream and puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of beer and it's half the price."

That's him, there in Aisle 5.

 

I'm having trouble with the mobile site, so...
http://9unknownfacts.com/2017/10/24/engineer-vs-doctor-who-is-very-smart

 

97 hand jobs, hope someone has workers comp for that wrist


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Maybe I should retire yet once again and start a new career path. This one seems much more satisfying don't you think?

 

Best hot dog in town? or you've had worse?

 

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot???

 

That certainly gives new meaning to Special Sauce now doesn't it? Did she put ketchup on the dog to hide something?

 

You know that little thing you j=have in the back of your head that stops you from saying things you shouldn't say. yeah. Well. I got rid of mine.

 

At least she checked it for pubs before serving it..

 

Hope she washed her hands before handling that.

 

I am sure glad my wife does not visit this site!. I would never hear the end of this seeing is was me who started this thread. Keep them cumming....er coming.

 

"Waiter, my hotdog smells like fish"

 

Hey girl. Your snatch smells like a hot dog!