Humor Thread

Brand new bike and only shorts
He's goin to last long


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g

 

DUDE, REALLY DIDN'T NEED THAT IN MY HEAD---


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So very true Bruce.

 

It used to be. When American beer was weaker than our lite beer but they have pumped that up quite a while back now and some really nice beer have come our of the USA in the craft brewery market. Unfortunately that does not get exported so all we get is Bud and a couple other which is crap. Then again, our big ones aren't much better.

Craft beer is the only way to go. Funny joke regardless. Besides, who can help but poke fun at the Yanks. That said, my Yank friends are all welcome to come for a visit. Regardless of how many. If there is not enough room here, I can go out back and cut a few more blocks and add on a room or two to the igloo.

 

Maybe it used to be true, but I got curious and looked to see the most drunk beers in the US. The list is effing pitiful: 10 out of 20 are "Light" beers. No ales, no IPA's, no dark beer of any kind. Freaking pitiful.

 

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!

 

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says: "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started. "Her boyfriend asks: "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says: "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle .She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says: "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says: "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh,........... . "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

When Chuck Norris wants to start a fire, he rubs two Boy Scouts together!

 

That's kinda like child porn isn't. My my Chuckie!

 

I wonder. When a regular dog sees a police dog, does it bark out "Oh fuck! Its a cop!"

 

Dogs know how to prepare for Harvey!

 

Even a Hawk is smarter than some people that wouldn't evacuate!