Humor Thread

First woman on the moon:

"Houston. We have a problem."
"what is it?"
"Never mind."
" No really. What's the problem?"
"Nothing."
"please tell us."
"I'm fine."

 

???????????

 

1. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

2. What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean Beef

3. What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your Mom

 

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs out swimming? Bob.

What's purple and swims in the ocean? Moby Grape.

 

C'mon, tell us anudder one, milk this topic for all it's worth! ;D

 

Don't cow-er, go for it.

 

Self explanatory

 

I'll stop now before this thread turns to udder chaos...

 

Three blondes were walking in the countryside one day. They saw a set of tracks and started arguing over what kind of tracks they were.



The first blonde said, "I think they're deer tracks!"

The second blonde said, "I think they're dog tracks!"

The third blonde said, "Well, I think they're cow tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

A blonde spotted another blonde on the other side of a small river. She yelled, how did you get to the other side? The second blonde yelled back, you are on the other side!

 

When you go to a show, and your friend wants to dance, but you just wanna drink and listen...

 

That's freaking hysterical!

 

Rye Bread

Two old Jewish guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.
>
> The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
>
> So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
>
> She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
>
> He said, "I want five loaves."
>
> She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."
>
> He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."