Humor Thread

Inventive dog owner... Cracks me up!

 

That one is making its rounds on Facebook too. Very funny. Good on the owner though.

 

https://youtu.be/Ds9PCfVqBMY

 

I can't believe I actually sat through that and watched them all. But most of them were pretty funny. :eagerness:

 

https://youtu.be/VHQBgOZKk6k


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Sometimes you just need a little time alone.

 

Just in time:
https://youtu.be/QXUlhT3-r0c

 

Priceless, thanks for the laugh Allyance


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I think this applies to motorcycles as well ! Stolen from another group, enjoy!

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, pay and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
==========
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, pay $50.00.
2) Stop and buy a case of beer, pay $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine..
8) Look for 13mm box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail..
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00

Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless

 

Please tell me that's not all by experience?


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LOL I'm pleading the 5th on this one..

 

First, both of these people are stupid.

Second, whoever wrote this doesn't speak for me. I resent them claiming to speak for "men" at all. They either don't know anything about men, or are the type of man I think of as a pussy because they're incapable of working with their hands.

Whoever this idiot is, what they're describing is just an alcoholic. And probably a retard. Not a "slow" person or someone with a learning disability, but the type of person you very often look at and say "Dude, you're a fucking retard" because you can't help it.


Oil changes in my truck consist of throwing the keys at a friend who has a shop. I pay one of his guys because I can guarantee it's done right and I don't need to get my hands dirty. And coffee's free.

Before he had his shop it was 20 minutes, 40 dollars (5ish quarts of synthetic, oil filter, air filter) and as simple as can be. Either way it is always done right because I'm not a fucking dumbass, I am smart enough to have parts on hand before I start, and because I only deal with reputable people if I don't do the work myself.

My bike is the same, only with 3.5 quarts (because you can't find Spectro Golden at wal mart in the 1.25 gallon jug so it's never cheaper) and it takes me 40 minutes or an hour because I clean the chain while I'm at it and sometimes clean everything I can reach while I have the lower plastic off.


Jiffy lube uses shit oil in 10w30 or whatever grade they happen to stock, even if you request a specific weight or pay extra for synthetic. They might not change your filter if the one on there is black so you can't tell easily. And then they will take your air filter and rub it in the grease on the floor of the shop that they never clean properly so they can show you how badly you need a new one for $40 more than their cost. Don't ask me how I know this. You pay for the convenience, now when they rip you off, or down the road in engine wear.

If you can relate to this, you should not do your own maintenance. In fact, see me for oil changes. I'll take care of your bike, and I will give you a big discount on the blinker fluid and the headlamp oil, since I'm doing it all at once.

 

..........

 

Only for you, AM. But it seems a long ride for basic muffler bearing service!

 

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