Humor Thread

On the opening day at the new seniors complex,
the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules:
"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male quarters to the females.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180.

Are there any questions?"

An older gentleman named Randy stood up in the crowd and inquired:
"How much for a season pass?

 

Randy, think he just dissed you.....

 

Why are married men fatter than single men?

Single men come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married men come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

That would be a particle exhilarator wouldn't it ?

 

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?


lickalotapus

 

I guess that makes me a lesbian...

 

Funny Harley video.

[video]https://youtu.be/uIciRdn_Z4k[/video]

 

Thats what puss n boots does to ride his poor bike....think his Mon drives when she can get him out of the basement from watching porn

 

9 types of sportbike riders, pretty accurate haha https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C79n1nkA8To

 

Loved it...thanks

 

I am an old man and I just bought a High-Viz jacket! I could be "Old Man Superbike" if I could squeeze my bulk into a race suit.

 

When was the last time you saw a good brawl... with loaders?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIFAmMCfBwM

Could be just an average day in China however.

 

Wow, first off you dont drive a rubber tire loader with the bucket fully extended. ...idiotic but funny non the less.
No doubt when he went over, I'm sure he smacked his head but good on the side window.

 

Given this evidence it's safe to say the first rule of Loader Fight Club -is there are no rules.

Best comment: "the new season of battlebots is pretty fucking badass"

:single_eye:

 

Two 90-year old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day.

One day Frank said' Leo, we both loved playing baseball all our lives, and we played all through High School.

Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there.'

Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, 'Frank you've been my best friend for many years.
If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'

Shortly after that, Leo passed on.

A few nights later, Frank was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, Frank... Frank '.......'Who is it?' asked Frank sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

'Leo-- it's me, Leo'.

'You're not Leo, Leo just died.'

'I'm telling you, it's me, Leo' insisted the voice.

'Leo!....Where are you?'

'In Heaven,' replied Leo. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'

'Tell me the good news first,' said Frank.

'The good news,' Leo said, 'is that there's baseball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired.'

'That's fantastic,' said Frank 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'

'You're pitching Tuesday.'

> Life is uncertain - eat dessert first!

 

Donald Trump slowed down 50%. Sounds like he is stoned out of his head!!!! In Honor of 4/20.

http://9gag.com/tv/p/aP7qRO/trump-slowed-down-50?ref=fbp

 

Sounds like he had some leftover Quaaludes from the eighties

 

I know slowing down audio has a similar effect on just about any recording but that is amazing. He really does sound drunk.

On a side note, and I don't mean to turn this Humour thread into a political debate, and I am not fond of Donny Dump in the slightest. He's a fucking idiot. But the way the media is all over him about the 7-11 thing is absolutely stupid. That is a simple slip of the tongue. Don't they have far better satire to put out there than that?

Did I mention Donny Dump is a fucking idiot? He and Justin Trudeau would go good together. One would counteract the extremes of the other. Justin Trudeau i a fucking idiot. Worse yet, he is an FLQ and other terrorist loving bastard who just obliterated out defense budget. Instead he is giving millions if not billions to the arts, refugees and Aboriginals, by the way, no longer have to be accountable to government or the Canadian tax payer on how they spend the money we give them.