Humor Thread

This is funny and true!

https://youtu.be/XuI6GTY9eVc

 

OMG, so true!

 

The last part of it I did not see coming. LMAO

 

A couple of RCMP officers stopped at Sandy Bay First Nation and talked to an old Indian standing on the road.
He told the old Indian, "I need to inspect this land for illegally grown drugs."

The elder reluctantly said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed with his lips to the location.
The RCMP officer verbally exploded & said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!"
Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge & proudly displayed it to the old Indian.
"See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want, whenever I want................on any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?"

The elder nodded kindly, apologized & went about his business. Moments later he heard loud - fearful screams; he looked up & saw the RCMP officer running for his life, being chased by a Bull Bison. With every step the Bull Bison was gaining ground on the officer & it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The old Indian threw down his tools & ran as fast as he could to the fence & yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE

 

There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money.
He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. Because I want to take all my money to the after life."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died she would put all the money in the casket with him.

When one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to their best friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait a minute!" She had a shoebox with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man."
She said, "Yes, I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did,’ said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

 

I know a some of you don't have this struggle...

 

I finally figured out how to make my wiener 6 inches. I fold it in half.

 

Poor dog!

 

I laugh every time I watch this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkKiLaxXjAA

 

"I hope nobody saw that" https://imgur.com/gallery/XX8T3L2

 

Only over 4 million LOL

 

How to ride bitch. A lesson for the guys.
https://vimeo.com/132725292

 

For BB
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=721w4uS3jD0

 

Well. I could have spent that 2 minutes in meditation.

 

The Texan was beginning th wear on his listeners with his bragging when one spoke up and said: "Yep, those Texans are big people, all right. I know one so big that when he died they couldn't find a coffin big enough to bury him so they gave him an enema and buried him in a showbox."

 

Butch Fagan was a real rugged, loud mouthed individual. He was hospitalized for the first time in his life and was the lone occupant of a semi-private room. The first day, he felt an urge for the latrine, and rather loudly called: "Hey nurse, I have to take a goddam shit!"

The nurse was shocked by his use of the uncouth words and sternly said, Don't use that expression. Whenever this situation arises, I want you to 'say number two'."

The man said he would and he did.. The next day, a new patient was assigned to the room and after a while informed Butch that he needed the facilities of the bathroom. Whereupon Butch yelled for the nurse and then told her: "Hey. this guy has to take a goddam shit, give him and number."

 

Most excellent. Sent to all my friends that live in Texas. Contrary to popular belief they have a great sense of humor.

 

The WalMart GP

 

Can't be Wally World, they are dressed too properly. lol