Humor Thread

I don't drink much. When I do, it is just a little and I turn into another person. He drinks like a fish.

 

I really never screw fat girls
But when I do, I drink Dos Equis
Stay horny my friend............................

 

I just received an audit on my tax return for 2013 back from the IRS. They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.

I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents"

I replied:

12 million illegal immigrants.
3 million crack heads.
42 million unemployed people on food stamps.
2 million people in over 243 prisons.
Half of Mexico.
535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.
1 useless President.

Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO The Heck DID I FORGET?

 

Truth hurts..... good one Pliskin.

 

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A lady goes to the doctor, wanting to talk to him because she's worried about her husband's temper.

The doctor asks, "How can I help you?"

The lady says, "Doctor, I don't know what to do, every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason, sometimes he loses it several times a day. "

The doctor says, "I have a cure for that, when it seems that your husband is getting angry, take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish but don't swallow it until he either he leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the lady comes back to the doctor, looking fresh, relaxed and happy.

The lady says, "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! every time my husband started losing his temper I did what you said, I filled a glass with water, took a mouthful and swished it round and round and he calmed right down. How does the glass of water help ?
The doctor says, "The water does nothing, it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

 

Ouch! Not that I am afraid or nothing, but I won't repeat that one to the wife. I am down right terrified. We have very few guns here but she has a wicked set of knives.

 

Sounds like she gets angry on occasion, would it help if you take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth ?

 

The one I found you don't tell women is:


Why do little girls put dead fish in their pockets?

To smell like big girls.............................

 

I like the blow drier one too.

 

Page Claim

 

Good lord. Yes please!!!!
Thanks R

 

http://www.chilloutindiana.com/port...-Humor-Ice-Cream/good-humor-ice-cream-bar.png

 

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I'm nit tracking with either of the two pictures above. Maybe I'm just slow.

 

"I" in this instance is just a fictional person of course.

 

^ NICE!~ I heard they banned those from religious gatherings.

 

Some like it!