Dear Randy

Dear Randy,

Seeing as you were a LEO and you understand the love of VFRs, thought I'd dare ask this... What nonessential organ will yield me the most in the black market? I want to make a down payment for the VFR1200?

Craving VFRs in Georgia

 

Dear Randy,

I've recently decided that I've had all I can take of people that lack common sense, have an extreme amount of stupidity, or are otherwise a total drain on society. I'm seeking a resolution to remove them from my daily life. The thought has crossed my mind to join the UFFR in hopes that they might no longer be a part of my daily life. Is this a possible solution? If not, can you provide any other reasonable alternates?

Thanks,

Pissed at society in Indiana.

 

Randy, this guy stole my question. Should I send him dirty diapers in the mail??

 

Randy if Shorty has got dirty diapers at his diposal his problem has progressed much further than mine and should be addressed soon. Are involuntary bowel movements something I should plan for in the future also?

Also, Randy, is it legal to send dried fecal matter through the USPS and if so how should I proceed if I receive some?

:wedgie:

 

The thing I dread most is anal leakage. Just sayin'. I understand it can ruin a date.

 

An interesting question. There could be many answers depending on the organ donor. But in your particular case, world leaders in Scientific Examination are eagerly awaiting the opportunity to examine your brain. But i seriously advise you to buy your bike first and make me the beneficiary of your will.

On a seroius note, Bone Marrow is an organ that is in extreme need. It is used to combat many cancers and is the only resort for many. The best opportunity for Bone Marrow match is from a sibling but that is not always available. The Red Cross runs an Unrelated Bone Marrow Donor Registry world wide. Chances of finding an Unrelated Bone Marrow Doner is upwards of 1 - 750.000. The medical proffession is becoming extremely successful in their transplants of bone marrow.

This is something you can easily do while alive. And you will be riding again in a couple days. I haven't been told this. I haven't read this. I have lived it. What is removed from you in a painless proceedure, is replaced by your system in about two weeks. As a matter of fact, like blood donation, this is a good thing for you health wise too.

Now...back to the serious stuff. Scientists may find themselves dissappointed after examining your brain Joey. There is a strong possibility they may find some of that flourecent green matter there.

 

David Letterman

 

Common sence is uncommon. If it were not for stupid people, no one would realize just how intallagant you and me is. And if we did not have these people around to spend our valuable monitary resources on, then the politicians of the world would have even more money available to them to use in their normal wise manner.

To become a productive memeber of the UFRR (I assume that is what you meant), one must submitt a two line reume to the Presidential Primer Minister for approval. The Immigration process can take a wahile as none has been established as of the date of this writing. Staff are working on this as we speak. A polygraph test will have to be undertakesn and anyone who passes will immediately be rejected.

Good luck in your atempts to escape the wrath of day to day life. When you piss, take good aim. And if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

 

Depends......

 

You should understand that VFRShorty presenly may be in possession of many diapers. He is a she and has a little rug rat. Which brings up the question of what might be in those soiled diapers. This of course would be dependant on what the baby ate. And possibly what the mother ate. Nuff said.

If you are worried about involuntary bowel movements as you age, stick a cork in it. Then you control the time and place. But leave yourself a reminder. If you leave it too long and pull the cork...look the fuck out.

Though I am not familiar with USPS policies, is would suggest that it probably isunlawful to send dried fecal matter through the mail. Fresh stuff is probaly OK though. If you get dried stuff, give the sender a polite call advising of the error so they can take approriate action next time. Then you only need to add water and whalla.

 

Here I sit, broken hearted,
Paid a buck and only farted.
Yesterday I took a chance,
Saved a buck and shit my pants.

You will recall when you were a child your mother always told you to go to the bathroom before you go to bed. It is a common belief that we regress as we get on in age so think back. Before your date with Dottie, you must remember to visit the pottie.

 

Ooooo! My bad on the gender miss. While I am not all-knowing like you, I would assume this would require differns advice.

Maybe VFRShorty should try some Kegels or a sponge to rectify her problem.:thumbsup:

 

Have you seen VFRShorty's avatar? She's got something to rectify you with! Better be careful.

 

Dear Randy:

Someone just told me to blow it out my ass. Should I take that literally? I'm confused.

Sincerely,

Knife's Dumb Friend

 

Dear Randy,

Fredsncoma is not the first person to call me a man on this site. What should I do so I am not mistaken for a man anymore?

 

change of avitar to you in a bikini saying that it's you?

 

You obviously have offended someone, sometime, somewhere, some how. Eat a huge bowl of chilli, drink a few pints of skanky beer, then with all your might, squeeze those rectal muscles hard for two days. Then go visit this entelectually deprived person and comply with his wishes. He should not be a problem to you anymore. Nor will nyone else who may happen by. The EPA may wish to speak with you shortly after though so be prepared.

 

Damned 100 posts in just over two days. What the fack did I do here.

Shorty. This is an easy error for those who do not know you considering your kick ass take no prisoners, and, "don't fuck with me" facia you put forth here. To overcome this, paint you guns pink and put a couble boquets of flowers around them. Draw us a cartoon for your signature block that will prove your gender. And spend more time in the kitchen baking and the such like a good well behaved woman should.

 

Dear Randy

I'm totally fucked. Imma tell you why. Since I been on this here forum, and taking advice and following the examples here I have spent all my money making my bike a blingtastic missle, I drink like a damn fish, spend all my time chatting on the chatbox, go to too many races, have bought a frickin garage full of tires, get in warranty battles with parts suppliers, joined a fight club, killed all my neighbor's dogs, spend hours posting nonsense to thread named after a poem, and am now seeking advice from crazed Retire Canadian Policemen. Shit can't get much worse pardner.

 

Dear Randy... I have a friend who has been acting a little strange lately. I'm kinda concerned. We normally go out for coffee's every now and then but we haven't been able to for a little bit here. I'm thinking that our lack of contact may be the cause of his instability. You see, he's a really solid guy but I think at times he needs a good grounding to bring him back to reality. I'm just not sure what to do at this point, I'm actually slightly afraid that he may have gone past the point of no return. Can't say I'm fearing for my safety but am definitely concerned.