Dear Randy

Since you were a Leo in a past life, maybe you can answer this one.

Please describe how to commit the perfect crime.

 

OMG, How cool I think this thread needs it's own section to go too. . Good one.

Now for me, it's to late Randy

 

You appear to be suffering from SDS. (Small Dick Syndrom) Presently there is no known cure so you are left with what you have. But if you exercise you imagination sufficiently, and buy a big truck, no one may ever know. Good Luck Lng001

 

Dear Randy,

I have a friend who is having a problem with an exhaust system he purchased from a bunch of scumbag internet dealers. They try to blame him for everything instead of standing behind the products they sell. Is visiting them with a double barreled sawed off shotgun considered too harsh?

 

No crime is perfect. What is perfect, is getting paid for investigating those issues. It is important that a good investigator weighs all evidence he becomes aware of. This takes many hours discussing with your peers at Tim Horton's shops. If you are not inclined to pour over these hours of information, you would be wise to consider a profession as a Petroleum Transfer Engineer for one of the larger Oil companies. I do hope this will assist you in deciding your career path. Now f$&k off

 

See my answer to committing the perfect crime. Bambie Murderer

 

Scumbag Internet Dealers (SIDS) are a reall problem for sure. Different ways of dealing with them have been discussed everywhere. Your friend should be aware that a double barreled shot gun only has two rounds. A better option would be a Remington 12 ga Pump with the plug removed. Or this....aa12 machine shotgun - Google Videos

But, Is this really a friend, or is it your issue? If it is you...then I have to ask. Where's your friggen head at?

 

You have a problem known in the industry as Giggle Butt. Try using chop sticks and eating a bowl filled with 1/4 pound of sweet baby peas once a day. Do this for 10 days and you will stop laughing.

 

Dear Randy,
I was working on my house the other day and hit myself in the head. do'h
In the few minutes I was out it came to me that I should stroke something, the problem is I can't remember what I was to stroke - motor in my bike or my tool??
can you help me to remember??

 

Who are you? Wait. Refer back to my reply to you about your wife and kids bugging you in the garage. I would make sure it was not one of them who knocked you in the head. If it was then stroke them.

Tools are not something to stroke. Any good man would not abuse his tools in this fashion. Tools should be used for their intended purpose, then cleaned up and put away ready to use the next time something arises. However, if you find you must handle your tools, they should be gently caressed, being sure not to handle them in such a fashion that their finish is worn off.

 

Thanks Randy!!!!! I changed to winter air and now the bike runs great. As far a timeing the blinking I got white mans disease and I gots no rythm. Now my windsheild wipers on the bike are stuck. Any solutions?

 

You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around...That's what its all about..

This is indeed a problem for some pigmentally challenged people but it can be overcome. Like the "Sup" term. The term often being followed by "Ho" or "Biches". Not originating with pale faced community but readily adopted. And look at Disco. Whities fared not too bad there either. And don't forget, this is a two way street. Basketball originated on some honkey's farm in Ontario Canada but was embraced and mastered by our well toned brotheren. So practice. Your rythem should improve. Hire a hooker to help you with this.

As far as the windshild wipers go, take the windshield off. I mean..what the f%&k purpose does that serve anyways.

 

Dear Randy:

I wanted to get back to you after following your advice. The end of my dick did indeed fall off after slamming it repeatedly in the door. It took a while, though, and it wasn't very pleasant as you can imagine. It bled profusely, then turned green and puss filled, then turned black, then got all crispy, and finally just flaked off. So it did work. Unfortunately, it was only temporary, as it began to grow back again immediately.

I went to the doctor and had several tests done. At my last meeting with the doctor he told me he had some good news and some bad news. I opted to hear the good news first.

My doc said the good news is that my member is growing at the phenominal rate of 1" per month! I said that was wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news, I asked him? Well, it's malignant.

Now I have another question for you. Where do you live and what time do you get home at night? Just asking.

Sincerely,

No Dick Johnson

 

Thank you for your expert advise! Fortunately this situation does not involve me or my bike. You are wise Obi Wan, very wise!

 

(^^^^That was the funnies thing I read all day. You need help, Knife).

 

Southwest Coast Canada and home usually between 02:30 and 03:30

 

Dear Randy,

How do you deal with "vegetarians" who do not tolerate cruelty to animals but will eat eggs, fish, and pudding?

Politically incorrect in Georgia

 

Big 10-4 0n that oen. I just about had an accident

 

We must understand we are all a bit different. Some are big some are small. Some are church going some not. Some are LEO's, others get their asses kicked. You understand that I am sure.

We must me accepting and tolerant of others ways of life. Offer to take him out for dinner as a gesture of good will. Offer to pay. Buy him a very expensive steak dinner. If he decides not to eat the beef, give him the garnish and you eat the steak.

He will make real good compost when he dies.

 

As an aging man I have had concerns that the day may come that I can no longer satisfy my wife........How do you deal with it?

Sincerely John Cocktoasten