Need Advice (non-bike related)

So I find myself dealing with a 15yo stepson for the summer. Here's my query: He seems to be uninterested in anything outside of XBox Live. His day starts between 3-5 in the afternoon, when he wakes up, then almost immediately connects to XBox. He then plays games pretty much constantly until morning (anywhere from 12-16 hours straight) with only bathroom and food breaks. The only exceptions are Tuesday and Thursday, when he will stop long enough to go to his drum lessons.

For those of you with teenagers, is this normal behavior? Would you consider this serious obsession? Addiction? How would/do you deal with it?

I am seriously concerned about the effects of this behavior on his future. Should I just chill?

Any comments/advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

I took away my kid Xbox for two week, Things will get better after that. Not sure about step kid........

 

Yes, it's fairly normal for a lot of teens. I set up our router to limit the XBox connectivity to certain hours. If I let him, my younger son would be doing the same thing, splitting time between the XBox live and the computer.

Action

 

if he is not getting into trouble and behaving let him play his games before you know it he will be back at school and things will get normal............then you will have trouble wait until he gets a girl friend and starts getting freaky................

 

Times have changed since we were kids huh?
I was always out, the less time at home the less my folks could make me do.

My stepson at that age was the same way, a fire would not faze him when playing playstation.

best bet is to make him do some other stuff ( work around the house, mtn bike or bmx, maybe next time you need to work on bike he can help ) to get time to play X-box and in the process you as well as your stepson might find something else he is interested in other then gaming.

note he will fight you all the way on it but in the long run it will all work out.

side note at least change his sced so not sleeping all day and up all nite playn'

 

MrDen - Sent you a PM. In a similar situation as I too, am a step-parent.

 

Do not be afraid to put your foot down. Limit the time he is allowed on the box. He will hate you for it, but will be better off.

I stopped paying for cable TV in 1997. We have not had regular TV since. The kids can watch DVDs and shows on the internet, but they are not on the couch all day everyday. They are better people because of it.

 

not speaking as a parent, but i think its time for some tough love. take it away from him for a while. or like every other day or something. i love video games as much as the next person but thats way too much.


how about putting him on the back of the viffer???

 

:thumbsup:I took my daughter out with me riding a couple of times, but got yelled at by the ex. yet it was us bonding, just out relaxing, having a good time. Always made it a point to go camping, away from where the cell phone reached as well. At least her cell phone. Mine still worked thumbsup at least. Some good times. Once she had a friend along, which gave her someone else to talk to and just another voice there as well. Only one night, but it is something that she still remembers. We never had an Xbox, PS, or anything like that. Well, at least not hooked up.

Just got to say you get off that thing, we are going to do this, go here, go somewhere else, go visit your family, friends, strip clubs - oh wait. There is always something to do outside.

 

Just remember that the most important thing is consistancy. Whatever you decide to do, if you don't stick to your guns, it will be worse then not doing anything at all.

Good luck. I wouldn't be concerned with his desire to play video games all day... that doesn't mean he should thoagh. Same goes with the desire to sleep in all day and stay up all night.

I would say that although it is normal for him to want to do those things, most parents will intervene before the situation gets as drastic as it has in your case.

Anyways, good luck.

 

he's 15? i think your best bet is to take the msf course with him and find a cheap ninga 250. he's only a year (or less) away from driving. that way you kill two birds with one stone. he gets off the couch, and you get a new riding buddy! not to mention, the quality time you'll spend together. i guess the biological father might frown upon this though... well just an idea.

 

Kids crave structure and discipline, although if you asked them they would argue. Limit the time he is playing and get him a list of things that need to be done on a daily basis, we called them chores, no one rides for free. Then help him get active, the gym, martial arts, excercise, sports, etc.... wear him out physically and he will be less of a problem for you. He needs to grow physically, mentally, and spiritually. Take it from an ex-juvenile delinq. who after I grew up a bit paid society back by working with juvenile delinquents.

 

work him a little

Kids will do this if they are allowed, but you also need to realize this is his summer and some time shoud be ok. He needs some tasks or jobs to complete in order to get time on the TV, XBOX, etc..... as a reward.

 

Be sure Mom backs you up. If not, and Mom let's him do what he wants, you won't win. Ever. Been there, done that, AIN"T doin' it again.

As for the MSF course, that is a good idea, if he likes bikes, but the minimum age is 16 I believe. Check local listings at an MSF site near you.

 

I'm not disagreeing with anyone here - all good suggestions - but White Knight is hitting the nail on the head.

Keep in mind that MrDen is a stepfather. Unless you're in that position (which I am), its sometimes more of a challenge than when you are the biological father.

 

Electric cattle prods seem to be quite effective for motivation.



Regards,
Rollin

 

Thanks all for your thoughtful insights and caring recommendations. We are already on some of the paths suggested, and will keep at it for as long as it takes. It's said that life is full of challenges, and this sure does qualify!

Again, thanks to all of you. This really is a great forum, populated by awesome peoples!!!!:thumbsup:

 

A lot of my peers do the same thing, some of my friends are recovered addicts even.

It is great to hear that you want to and are taking steps to help him as I feel it is a serious addiction.

As a first hand witness to interventions it is difficult to listen to the hurtful things people can say. In my case everyone is MUCH happier now that they do not live for one form of entertainment. I am sure your stepson is upset with you now but he will turn around.

My house is like Drew's as we have no tv service at all. My nephew is almost 2 and is already obsessed with watching tv. My sister may not understand my parenting style but it is nice that you guys do!

 

Thanks Shorty. I appreciate your concern/comments. Yesterday I babysat for my two grandkids (girls, 6 and 3), and all they wanted to do was watch tv or play computer/video games! Very scary...

 

How long have you been step dad? I see difficulties here unless you and his mother are on the same page. There have been some great points put forth here. You can take the tough love approach. I mean WTF Who is the boss here anyways. But an alternative is to learn the art of manipulation. Make them feel that a change of activity is their idea or their choice. You may also wish to involve them by asking their assistance in doing something together. Might give them a sence of importance and don't forget to show your appreciation for thier assistance. Also the word "no" is in the English vocabulary. But don't use just no. It is no with an explanation why.

My daughter is stubborm as all get out. Have no idea where that came from. But she does just about aything I want her to. She always thinks it is her doing....NOT! Makes me giggle at times. And she is 22. But at age 13, she tried to play the wife and I against each other. Everyone in the family was shaking when I was done. No one here has seen me upset before or since. It worked.

BTW. Have you ever noticed those who spend as much time as they do on this site? Sound familiar? Think I may be guilty here too.

Dear Abby